Keith's Spot

Sake Bomb Birthday for Alice

2012-01-13T16:38:00.000-08:00

This is what happens when you drink so much Soju and Sake that you can't see straight and you're looking to share the food you just ate with the bathroom toilet. Stay off the sauce kids. Stay off the sauce :) Happy Birthday Alice. Hope you had a good time hanging out with us two knuckleheads.

My Bungee Jumping Adventure

2012-01-10T03:20:00.000-08:00

Well some people like to start off the new year by getting so drunk they see with beer goggles until next January. Although it's fun getting so hammered you can't see straight, I prefer starting off the new year by dangling from a rubberband from a bridge and hoping that the sharks don't like the taste of dark meat. To all of you who missed out on one of the most thrilling adventures of my life next to running home barefoot after eating a pot cookie. jk. Here is a peak at one of the most amazing experiences I've ever been a part of. Bungee Jumping to bring in the new year. Thank you to Suhua, Alice, Tom, Camy, Rieko, Sheehan, Eric, Heather and Dan for making this trip something I will never forget for as long as I live. I was sick as a dog and my voice sounded worse than an 80 year old blues singer with a pack a day habit but everyone of you made it all worth it. I'm glad to have friends like you guys.

Kitchencore New Years & Birthday Bash! You bring the kitchen and they'll bring the funk. Not the arm pit kinda funk though.

2012-01-01T19:50:00.000-08:00

新年快乐！This new years I would have been staying at home crying in the corner trying to tell myself that putting little party hats on the action figures I bought is just as good as a New Years party :) but instead I went out with Corey to listen to him spin, celebrate his birthday and try to keep the neighbors from calling the cops with well placed bribes and telling old lady neighbors how great they look this New Years and how botox looks good on them :) We had a blast. My friend of almost 10 years and the first person I met coming to California. A damn good guy and like a brother to me, I'm glad I got to spend it with him and all of his friends. Thank you everyone for making my new years bad ass and more memorable than the last one which included a desperate housewives marathon and lots of Ben & Jerry's. Cheers to the New Year and great success to everyone out there and to me world dominion since I will be working on my Overlord Degree this college semester. After all, I heard I look great with a crown and Hitler mustache.

Pics from Kitchencore's New Years Bash:

新年快乐！Happy New Years Bitches!

Nothing says happy birthday like a Twilight birthday card :)

Teeny boppers everywhere are drooling as we speak.

It's birthday cake magic.

Now if only blowing out the candles and wishing for a million dollars didn't just work in the movies.

Speechless crowd. Damn you'd think the president is speaking, or Justin Bieber was taking a dump.

Have a Happy New Years everyone and please keep the PDA to a minimum. Thanks :)

except for the wallstreet/mafia business suits, the lynchings and no place to plug in my iPhone, the 1950s were awesome.

2011-12-23T16:12:00.000-08:00

I'm everything but what you'd describe as cultured. In fact I couldn't spell the word culture if you asked me. (thank god for spellcheck). but today I went on a little guided tour of San Francisco with two of my new friends Fan and David to learn a little about Hitchcock, San Francisco and life in the 1950s. Lets just say after today I got enough culture to carry me into next year and enough blisters on my feet to carry me to the ER after all the walking we did :)

Thanks to the tour guide for making this day even more awesome. A true 1950s fanboy. Beats being a Justin Bieber fanboy anyday.

At union square everyone gets their Hitchcock fix. You really don't have to wear the red 1950s fedora though.... jeeze grandpa we get it, you're a fan...

Fan & David

The two of them with the sunglasses makes me think Hollywood couple or undercover spies. You go Brad and Angelina :) Thanks to you both for making the day more exciting.

I'm such a little girl I think I need a training bra.

2011-10-23T04:41:00.000-07:00

I heard someone talking about how he wanted to meet some bangin hotties tonight or something like that. My brain only has so much space so including ramblings of drunken frat guys usually won't fit on the hard drive unless the experience ends with Jack Daniels flavored throw up on my shoes and the proverbial fist fight that ensues afterwards but it did get me thinking. I haven't tried hitting on a girl in months. Why Harris, don't you want some hot sexiness in your life to nag you when you get home or ask you about engagement rings when you only met a week ago... scary. I look better than I have in forever, I used to have the personality of a dead fish, now I have the personality of a floundering one in a cool turtle neck that you only see doucebag hipsters wear. So if I want to go out with someone I'm confident I could have a girlfriend assuming they don't mistake my waking up in the morning bed head look for starving artist/crack addict. The reasons I haven't tried to get in the sack with a girl I meet around town, a classmate or anything like that is two-fold.... scratch that, two-million fold and growing. I'm picky about the girl I would date. I'd need her to be motivated in her life, have some goals and dreams, be fun to be around, have a personality, and make me feel like smiling when I see her. Maybe I'm thinking of the high standards I have set for myself now and am imposing them on the person I'd be with but if she thinks that waitressing is her dream job or she just happened to settle on the slow death of her brain by coke fixes, clubbing and constantly telling me how being a barista is not just a job, it's a lifestyle, although as interestingly stimulating that conversation would be compared to talking to the lady with 7 cats, I gotta say, I'm probably not gonna be that planning the next date and besides she would have just totally killed my boner. The Barista-Lifestyle? wtf? Damn blondie, get it together.

I can't just be with anybody anymore or just date someone because they're nice or a good person. I want a little more than just, she's saved her 30th starving African kid for less than a cup of coffee a day. There's a lot to the complexity of each person in the world. There's billions of women, billions of people and although dating Mother Theresa would be nice except for the wrinkles and the new grave smell (she's dead right?). I think I'm becoming one of those scrutinizing bastards that has a check-list for the girl I date. Not that I actually have a list, besides the one in my wallet next to the pictures of my exs 30 adopted African children, but I think I need to be picky and that being picky means you care about what's important to you, Don't get me wrong, nice is good since I've had my fill of crazy psycho in the past getting slugged so much you'd think I was a UFC fighter. thank God for my battered boyfriend sunglasses back then, but I think I just need more from the person that I date. It's been a year since I promised myself to use everyday to become the ideal me. Going back to school, getting the 6-pack, studying foreign languages everyday til my brain can fry an egg on it. Most days I'm so focused on my goals to become an extraordinary person trying to meet deadlines I set for myself, waking up at 6:00 each morning and not letting myself rest until I've gotten a checklist load of crap accomplished like an anal crazy person, that most days I don't think about anything else. I feel like I'm trying to navy seal train myself now and can't focus on anything else whatsoever because until I reach my goals I'm nothing special. Can I be any more neurotic? Some days though, it's lonely. Though it's only once in a while but every now and then it'd be nice to lay on the couch with someone, hold them in your arms and watch a movie together while we cuddle....that sounded so gay, let me check if my balls are still there.... I feel like I want friends and people in my life, especially when you feel worn down from all the trying so hard to become something when you feel like you're nothing that friends help you forget what a mental case you are but mainly I don't want to put myself in a situation where I'm dating someone and so focused on pursuing my personal goals that I don't give them the time they'd deserve. My cat is already bitchin at me for never being home, imagine if she had tits and could talk. shitstorm. but I digress. I'm not the one night stand guy and I'm right now not the relationship guy, but my god I have not had sex in forever. I swear I've become a virgin again and sprouted a male hymen. should probably get that checked out... If I keep going celibate like this I'm going to have to join a convent.... but yeah, I now know that I can confidently go out and have a relationship if I wanted to, find a girlfriend no problem but for the first time in my life am turning the opportunities down. I remember when I was young every girl I knew I looked at like a potential hookup, girlfriend, future psycho ex-girlfriend, etc, but now it's like being a totally different person and the girl having to show me that she's worth dating and also valuing the people in my life for who they are as people rather than just rating them on breast size and seeing women as pieces of meat. That sounds gay too..... this whole post is a freakin gay orgy at this point. Better get my leather chaps ready and work on my squats.

I want more out of my life and have fully committed to changing myself into an exceptional person for this whole last year, to be the CEO and not the garbage man, the entrepreneur instead of the guy who cleans up jizz at the strip club. (I wonder if that's the job title they'd put in the newspaper.. Jizz Cleaner. Maybe spooge custodian sounds more professional... I don't think that guy gets up excited to go to work every morning, just a thought) I feel like I need to continue making myself the focus in my life. To continue changing and making me my #1 priority.... feels like when a girl says "my only boyfriend is Jesus" I wanna smack her in back of the head when I hear that and not just because Jesus is unemployed and she shouldn't date broke guys. no wait, he was a carpenter right? okay I take that back. Even though I've done this for a while and am tackling all these individual goals one by one, I'm wondering what to do about those times where I'm sighing on the bed missing some kind of real closeness. I mean youporn can only go so far right... not that I look at that stuff you know, being celibate for a year and all.... hell this whole post is so girly I think I've grown tits...hmmm, I might not need youporn after all.

Victory Never Tasted So Sweet

2011-09-27T21:45:00.000-07:00

I'm so happy to have have reached my weight loss goal last month. Yes I'm still doing the victory dance to old news, but If I don't give myself compliments every 10 minutes I become neurotic and start calling myself a loser. Damn Harris, such a loser.... anyway, so I told myself 40 pounds ago the moment I become the newest model on the train to hottie town I would let out my inner 5 year old go wild for a day and buy myself the kind of cake that will give me a sugar high so amazing, it will make crack highs look tame, but since I didn't want to spend the $100 at the french bakery, I got this instead. I mean come on, If you're gonna spend $100 on a cake, you should at least get a happy ending or something. So Bon Appétit! I'm eating this bad boy all by myself. Carrot cake, ice cream, whipped cream, chocolate sauce, ohhh if I only had sprinkles then I could really pretend I'm still playing with Leggos and wearing pull-ups... although, all I have to do is wait til 80 and that actually might happen :-P Anyway, time to race to a candy-coated coma, or a sugar high seizure. Whichever comes first. :) Oooohhhh inner teenage fat girl. How I've missed you :)

My New Body - Before & After

2011-08-18T18:41:00.000-07:00

Okay so it looks like Pinocchio finally got his wish to become a real boy. Yeah his nose is still long enough he can change a ceiling fan light bulb with it but otherwise, he's looking pretty beefy. Thinly cut organic beef not fatty pork chop beefy. I took a pic of myself 40 pounds ago on Nov 14th 2010 and let's just say I look more pregnant than the Octo-mom at an all-you-can-eat buffet. This picture of my fatty piggyness makes me want to hurl chunks. I'm glad I took the pic though to be able to really see what I've accomplished in just 9 months. Now I'm 40 pounds lighter, have a nice little six-pack and I'm at 8.5% bodyfat. If I get too much skinnier I will look like a starving African child and they'll start putting me on infomercials to get people to send 30 cents a day.

I am proud of my accomplishment cause it shows that hard work and breaking your treadmill by running 2 hours a day for 9 months on it really does pay off.. except for what I'll have to pay in buying a new treadmill :( but it's like looking at a totally different person in the mirror and I'm glad I never gave up. I want to be the best me I can be mentally, physically and in every way. This is just one success towards doing just that. So I'm posting this pic on my blog to remember my accomplishment.

Before & After - Fatty Piggy Love Handle Harris & Lean Cut Meat Market Harris.

and thank you caloriecount.com If I didn't have this site I would still be struggling with my weight not knowing how many calories a doughnut is or know what's in a Carl's Jr. heart attack on a bun death burger.

My weight Graph

I'm going to treat myself to an amazing meal now and know that I can do anything if I really want it bad enough. I finally made it :)

6-Pack Abs - Mission Complete!

2011-07-31T20:41:00.000-07:00

After 9 months of busting my ass like a crazed autistic psycho running on the treadmill for sometimes as much as 4 to 5 hours in a day and then trying to control my neurotic inner teenage tubby fat girl binge eating demons afterwards I've finally, finally, finally got my self what the French call "Le 6-pack". Good thing too cause just when I make it to my goal, my treadmill breaks.... so I guess it was just holding out long enough for me to start going to the beach and walk around like a self absorbed douche.... awesome. 40 pounds less looks pretty good on me. Now if only the rest looked as good as the stomach but they don't have big head and chihuahua eyes surgery do they? I swear it's like a watermelon on top of my neck. Anyway, my 6-pack still needs some definition so I'll lose around 3 or 4 more pounds and put a picture up of my before and after photo probably next month when the 6-pack is even more "Le Awesome". That way I can always look at my rolls and love handles to remember why I need to keep the doughnut out my mouth..... mmmm doughnuts... I'm gonna get something to eat now.

Almost at my goal weight. 6-pack! :)

2011-07-17T23:21:00.000-07:00

I've still got a lot more to do. Not like bucket list they're giving my eulogy tomorrow lot more to do...although if I keep having days like this they might be. Dusted off 3 hours on the treadmill to take off some 2000 calories. 10 incline. Like running up a mountain without the mud puddles, dirt in your eye or being chased by rabid stray dogs. other than that, pretty much the same thing. I'm almost to my goal weight and 8% body fat. at 10% body fat currently so instead of having to hit 7-eleven for a 6-pack I'll just look in the mirror, won't taste as good but both can cause drool inducing stares, so I'm game. I have a little bit of a 6 pack now but it needs more definition and that's about 5 to 6 pounds away. I explain to people "yeah, It's kinda like if you squint hard enough, tilt your head to the right and I turn to the side and put one leg up, I can see a 6-pack :)" nah it's not like that but hell it's not bad for losing 36 pounds since November. :)

My Past Life. I was a Chinese horder with bad teeth and an eye patch.

2011-06-12T00:34:00.000-07:00

I'm guessing this guy wrote a past life for everyday of the last couple decades or he really made 10 and I'm the billionth guy to see this one. lazy f@cker. Either way I liked my hippy story telling past life cause it's so me, if I were Chinese, lived in the 14th century and was a horder. Other than that, it's so me.

It makes me wanna go to the cruddy sleazebally part of town to one of those back alley shops with the rusty sign above the door and go to one of those wrinkly gray haired old ladies with the wart on the nose and smells like 8 of her 9 cats, and listen to her tell my fortune and past life. But not the one where I was a lion tamer and the lion forgot that I wasn't lunch. That one I kinda had coming.

6/11/2011 10:33

You are 31 years and 111 days old
You were born on Thursday
on a cold winter’s day
You were born: 11434 days ago
You were born: 376 months ago
You were born: 1633 weeks ago
Your next birthday is in: 254 days
Your Chinese zodiac sign: Monkey
Your zodiac sign : Pisces
Your element : Water
Your planet: Neptune and Jupiter
Your colour: Turquoise Sea green
Your stone: Aquamarine
Your birth number 5

The meaning of your birth number:

Changes, journeys, moves, new events all backed by luck. Trying a number of options at the same time could be beneficial, but don’t be discouraged if some ventures don’t work out: good fortune shines on those who try again.

(This means I'm going to be a rich man ladies so you better start lining up and taking applications. Keep in mind, I'm very picky:)

Monkey - Your Chinese horoscope

... and finally

Your Past Life

Diagnosis:
________________________________________
I do not know how you feel about it, but you were male in your last earthly incarnation.
You were born somewhere around territory of modern North China approximately on 1375.
Your profession was trainer, holder of the fine animals, birds, insects.
________________________________________
Your brief psychological profile in that past life:
Revolutionary type. You inspired changes in any sphere - politics, business, religion, housekeeping. Could be a leader.
________________________________________
Lesson, that your last past life brought to present:
Your lesson -- to learn humility and faith in spiritual principles. You should believe in High Reason.

(That's deep, so I could have been an animal loving, housekeeping fairy.... hmmm couldn't they have just said Chinese warrior or rich merchant.... I'm so taking this up with the wrinkly old cat lady and asking for my money back.)

http://www.miniportale.com/horoscope/Date_of_birth/

I'm so in love with myself that the guy in the mirror is jealous.

2011-05-07T23:50:00.000-07:00

I used to be the most awkward person that I knew. I would walk around feeling insecure everyday and that's the only way I knew how to be. I didn't like me. I didn't think anyone else did so all I did was pout around all day wishing things would change. I gotta say I pretty much like me nowdays. In fact I think I'm pretty fukin awesome. I'm not afraid of who I am and wishing I was different. wishing I was taller, although actually that would be nice now that I think of it. wishing I was white when being black is so damn sexy. Thinking I wasn't smart. Being disappointed when I looked in the mirror thinking I was ugly. Thinking no one liked me and if they did, I'd wonder why. I had so many issues, and I don't know why I hated being me so bad when I was younger. I think a lot of teenagers hate themselves at times but I reallllly hated myself and that self hate lasted even until a couple years ago. I was constantly depressed and I don't think I realized how depressed I was growing up. angry, frustrated, always crying all the time. not that that part changed all that much. I still shed a tear at a good Korean drama. I'm a pussy. It took so many years to find myself, to learn what my voice was, to learn how unique I was. smart I am :) It's like an Oprah special getting all deep right now that while I say it I wanna vomit from the cheesiness of it all but I fukin love being me. I'm freakin awesome. Did I mention I'm witty. For the first time in a long time I can finally say that I love who I am. Every part.... except for the scar right in between my eyebrows. I wonder if they can laser that off. This year past 9 months I've been the happiest I've ever been. All the troubles I've accumulated along the way have molded me into someone amazing. Oh and I've been single for months on end and I don't think I've ever been as happy as I am now being oh so single. You think the ex that crashed my car would have been a hint to maybe put off dating for a while :-P I'm happier than I've ever been, I'm making all these new friends at school, I'm cracking jokes all the time and just having fun every day. I'm having the time of my freakin life. I love how I feel so comfortable around people and can talk for hours really interested in trying to understand the new people in my life. I love the path I'm going on being back at school and shooting for the stars. I want a PHD in Physics. I think that would be the most challenging thing I can do so I want to do it. I have the best family. My mom and little brother are amazing. I love where I live, I have the best life. All my new friends and classmates kick ass. I finally feel like I know what I want to do with my life. I feel like I'm the funnest coolest most interesting person I know. I am sexy chocolate from head to toe. I'm an international superstar. I'm a rockstar from mars..... wait a minute, that's Charlie Sheen. scratch that. Oh and for heavens sakes I have freakin standards now. I remember being a desperate young lad only wishing a girl would talk to me when I was young, but now a girl would have to waaaaaaay impress me for me to go out with her. I don't know if there's a girl that amazing. :-P no I'm not conceited I'm just that awesome. :) I really was such a desperate lonely fuckr. Oh to being young, but now I feel like I'm such a hot commodity that the girl who ends up with me is damnnnn lucky. She hit the jackpot of amazing men out there. But of course I'll probably be single all my life loading up on cheap booze and porn. ehhhh. gotta do something to pass the time. jk :-P

I think I am what they call, truly happy. I love my life. and yes I'm that good :) Thanks God, now that I've gone to confessional here I'm going to do some evilly wicked things to balance it out. :-)

17 pounds away from being the statue of David's replacement

2011-04-26T17:31:00.000-07:00

I can imagine this is what they do on the biggest loser. spend full days working out and doing cardio to shed the pounds. great if you don't have a social life or responsibilities like whiney kids or needy girlfriends/boyfriends, but if you do have those things I can imagine you'd have to get the time in when you could to focus on your body goal.

Thankfully besides college, I have a lot of time on my hands to work on my body and losing the excess fat I put on over the years. I'm 157 lbs now and I have 17 more before I'm a demi-god of greatness like the statue of David.... except he was way better looking in the buff, but I digress. I'm just happy that I'll have to next month to really focus on getting to my goal and not have to worry about any engaging responsibilities for a while. Once I reach that goal a sweaty mess I will have my victory party, eat a buffet worth of calories for my victory celebration and then on to the next goal. learn how to speak Japanese without stuttering for my next word all the time.　日本語はとっても楽しいでもやさしくない。

No more online poker in the U.S.

2011-04-16T15:06:00.000-07:00

I haven't played poker in a while since I've been busy with college classes and trying not to be a retard.. which is unfortunately 1st gear on the 7 speed bike in my head. Unfortunately when I logged on to play a game or two I found out that online poker in the U.S. is over. the end. I will have to wait until I get my summer home in Cancun to be able to play again or until poker players start voting out the religious nut jobs who believe playing online poker is the equivalent of smoking a cigarette with the devil while having an orgy with a cracked out hooker and the entire Jets football team.

Fate (운명)

2011-04-07T01:08:00.000-07:00

I end up meeting this random stranger at the library at school about 2 months ago. A short brunette with wide eyes, thin figure, small frame and dresses like a creative artsy type. Seems like an intellectual and probably is in her head a lot yet, not really an introvert. She has a kind of quiet confidence. I talk to her for about 10 minutes. very sweet girl. I tell her bye and I go to my class. didn't think I'd see her again but enjoyed talking to her a lot. 2 weeks later I see this girl again as she's rushing across the library to talk to a friend. I tap her on the shoulder, surprised she says hi, we talk for a minute and she's off. 4 weeks after that who do I see again but the same girl while I"m going to my Japanese class. She's walking with a friend so I say hi and she seems like she wants to talk but I just brush her off saying we'll talk again. until later that day, I think, what about if I don't see her again... hmmmm. I think I should have gotten her number but just decide not to think about it and go to class. The next time I see her 2 days later and ask her for her phone number. I trip over my words so bad that it's painful to listen to. I'm glad I asked her but I go from Mr. cool to total pointdexter and am so embarrassed and unhappy with my win/bomb I say, screw it, I'm not calling this girl. I got a number, good enough, way to go me, done. springbreak passes then Monday late in the day at 5:30 I sit down for 20 minutes at the library to study for my Chinese class test at 6:00. I pick up my head from the book and who do I see but the same girl sitting at the computer 7 feet in front of me. She sees me there and I say, "apparently I really do see you everywhere I go now". we talk for 15 minutes and I think, maybe I will call this girl after all cause apparently the universe might be trying to tell me something or who knows but it's too weird. Then Wednesday morning late to my taekwondo class I get on the train sit down, put my head in my book for a couple minutes and when I look up I see this familiar face and I'm in shock as I look up 4 or 5 times in disbelief and see that it's this same girl sitting on the seat directly in front of me.

Seeing her 3 times all different times of the day could be coincidence, 4 times amazing coincidence. After I've decided not to call this girl from laziness/awkward embarrassment, then the first day back from Spring break I see her at the library when she'd normally be home any other day and then the next school day on the train ride to school when we're both running late to our classes.... I don't know what that is, if that's fate or just a statistical improbability but the train ride is the one that totally got me. Somethings going on with the stars aligning or someone or thing is trying to tell me something.... needless to say, I will be calling this girl before the end of the week.

Turning my beer keg into a rock hard 6-pack

2011-03-24T16:00:00.000-07:00

So in hopes of looking super awesome in my birthday suit that even I can't stop staring at myself, I decided to take all this very seriously and am doing a number of things to help me keep on track.

1. I bought an Omron HBF-510W Scale about a week ago that measures body fat%, weight, muscle %, BMI, Visceral fat, etc. 'so I know exactly where I'm at'.

2. My brother gave me an excel spreadsheet where I can input those numbers daily so it can calculate how much weight I need to lose to reach 8% body fat (the amount usually needed for a man to get 6 pack abs although it varies from 6%-10% depending on body type). On his spreadsheet jotting down my numbers it says I need to be at 138 - 140 to be at 8% body fat. I lost 10 since October exercising at a pretty slow pace and as of the last couple days basically have 30 pounds (give or take a few) to go. So I started about a week ago with my ultra intense workout and I'm doing 2 to 4 hour 10 incline treadmill runs like I was doing 2 years ago, burning around 1500 to 3000 calories per treadmill session and running to the point where I need an oxygen tank when I'm done collapsing on the floor. 3500 calories = a pound, so I'm aiming to burn near a 1/2 pound to a full pound when I have a free day and not studying my @ss off. this sounds dangerous but me and my brother have done this before so we're trained professionals. :) DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME CAUSE YOU WILL DIE! jk, you won't die but don't do what I do. cause I will not be responsible when the paramedics drag your sloppy, passed out @ss out the house. I've been jogging since I came out my moms womb.

3. I joined CalorieCount.com to help me keep track of my exercise routine as well as everything I'm eating. I like to eat.... alot.... I'm a food whore. So to keep me from becoming a lard @ss again I'll be keeping track of each days meals as to not fool myself into thinking I eat less than I actually do. Living in denial is awesome for broken marriages and for growing up with catholic priests but not for dieting, so I have to make sure I keep on track by charting my meals. So for the last couple days, the rest of this week and over the spring break week (27th - 2nd) instead of partying like it's 1999 I will be running everyday on my treadmill like a hamster on crack. It will be awesome!

I should be marathon runner or something.

I'm going to be beefcake

2011-03-22T14:31:00.000-07:00

So I've decided to lose weight and get myself some b!tchin rockhard abs. My brother did it a while back and posted the picture up on his myspace and I've been jealous ever since. So with my ultra large monster ego, I've decided to take it upon myself to do what he did and show him there's more than one beefcake in the family. :-D

My biggest was 190 lbs about 2 years back. I was so tubby like a big ol teddybear but alas a teddybear was much cuter than I was and without the fat rolls. I did a bunch of exercise, back then and got down to 152 lbs (still no abs) but alas life got in the way.... no... scratch that. I got in my own way and let my progress slip away by drowning in relationship sorrows and joining 'dating crazy b!tches anonymous' and worrying more about how to get her nutty @ss out my house instead of focusing on muah. Now I'm single and of course summer is coming so I've been obsessed with losing my Gut O Luv since around November when I moved into my new place. So in November I was 178 with no muscle (I got pictures with my shirt off.... scary.... I'll have to post those up some day). after pushing weight and going on the treadmill 4-5 times a week since then I'm down to 168 with quite a bit more muscle. My friend Sheehan noticed I've been pushing weight late last year. My friend Corey said the same 3 weeks ago and before my roommate left for Davis for spring break nuttiness a week ago he said I used to be a fat fudge packer but now I look pretty thin. Awesomeness!

Still got a long way to go.

I'm officially Chinese now.

2011-03-01T02:24:00.000-08:00

My teacher in Chinese class today gave me a Chinese name. The teacher and teachers aide thought long and hard and came up with something pretty badass. 何凯 Pinyin: he2 kai3, is my new Chinese name. 何 he2 is a common last name in Chinese, sort of the way Harris is in English, but as a Chinese character alone it means 'what'. same as nani in Japanese. it used to mean WTF but they took the TF out in both languages to just leave 'what' :) they thought it was too offensive. It also had a minor meaning in Chinese of 'bear a heavy load' back in the olden days of etymological history. 凯 kai3 means victory. So apparently I should be very successful in things if I change my nationality to Chinese. Victory is a killer meaning. Victory is oozing out my pours. When I wake up in the morning, it's the smell of victory. When I get a paper cut, what comes out is pure victory. I go to the bathroom and shit victory, that's how bad ass I am. but since Keith is a Scottish name and means wood, it could just be wood coming out instead of victory, but I digress. I'm now a Chinese badass and I'm officially indoctrinated. So long fried chicken, hello fried rice!

Weekend of awesomeness!

2011-02-06T11:10:00.000-08:00

What's better than throwing up on the curb after you've drank too much? watching someone else do it! That made my whole weekend golden for it's comedic value. I went out with my super cool roommate to hit the bars. Seeing as I'm not really a bar aficionado, my 8th time at a bar, and have never really gotten even as much as a buzz drinking. I'm probably the best person to bring cause no matter what I drink I'll still be able to see when the 6ft jock is about to hit you in back of the head with the lead pipe (note: if this does happen to you then that's what you get for hitting on his girl piss drunk when he's in the bathroom). The worst is I get is sick, if I drink alot but with all my senses in tact (which is probably even worse TBH, you can feel the agony in your stomach) anyway we hit the bars for the first time together, like a scene from a gay buddy movie (not the homosexual kind of gay) and we're walking through the mean streets of hippy Berkeley going to 2 different bars hollaring and acting a fool while people wonder who the heck are these douchebags. We hit the first bar and he gets me an Adios which is supposedly death in a glass. Some random latino dude comes up to me and asks me what I'm drinking saying it looks bad ass and I say "it's an ADIOS AMIGO!!" and he's like "ohh that's fucked up" and walks away. I had to explain that I wasn't trying to make him look like a jackass on purpose... totally accidental. I'm talking to everyone in the bar just being silly having a great time and 3 people are about to take a picture together and I jump in the picture. The token black guy. They thought it was awesome, so now my picture with three random strangers in a bar is out there on facebook somewhere. Awesomeness! Then when we hit the second bar I'm trying to get my boy noticed by some girls saying he's all the rage and telling them once they go latino they won't go back. We chill for a little bit, go outside the bar where my roomy decides to water a tree and throws up on the lone tree on the sidewalk. 5 beers worth of watery goodnesss. Like a champion, he says, "I'm good, Let's go get some doughnuts".

Online Shopping

2011-01-14T14:28:00.000-08:00

Hi Sam, I ordered the Just for Men Brush in Mustache Kit from you a couple days ago. Great product. Delivery time was impeccable. I ordered the jet black and made sure to pick the the picture with the black guy on the cover figuring the Jet black would be the right match since I've never used the product before. Only problem is when I opened up the mail today I saw you sent light blonde. Although I'm all about spicing it up for the ladies and think a brown might even be worth a try, I think that light blonde may be a little too much spice and unless I want my beard to look like a country singers and my hair to look like Shaft, I'm probably going to need to get the Jet Black sent to me. Don't get me wrong, Nothing against country music singers. I listen to a little rascal flatts myself, but not on my head. Thank you for your time. I will try to send this box back to you to get my $7 bucks back if I'm not too lazy but honestly I'll probably use the box as a paper weight to hold open my Japanese book. it's very tough learning a new language. Thank you.

-Keith

Present Goals, Future Accomplishments

2010-11-14T23:32:00.000-08:00

One thing not being in place can effect everything else in your life. I spent months trying to hold on to a relationship that wasn't really there. A job that was tolerable at best, disfuctional at worst. I don't remember the last time i was so unhappy. But people learn alot about themselves when things are challenging. It took me going through that to realize I'm worth a little more than I give myself credit for. I'm just a man, but I'm not that bad a man. I can give my all if I want something bad enough. When things get hard, I feel fear just like anyone. Sometimes it's hard to put value on your own worth and easier to put it on others before yourself. I realized I don't want to live sitting in the back seat of my own life.

So I decided a while back I'm going to focus on me and ask myself what I really wanted. Not my ex-girlfriend, or my boss but what I wanted. A while back I wrote a list of things I want to accomplish in my life. Kind of like a bucket list but without the being next to dead part and on the 1st I started working on a few of those goals. I just put in 3 1/2 hours on the treadmill today burning 2740 calories. since one of those things is to get myself to my ideal weight. When I have the body I want, I'll feel like I've accomplished something. I was sick like a dog this week and still managed to get on the treadmill for at least an hour each day. I was coughing my ass off tissue box in hand while running an hour and a half on the worst day. This is Something I would have never thought about doing months ago because I was so used to making excuses, that's all I knew how to do for so long. If you want something though, excuses won't get me there. Another goal is to focus on my poker game and take it seriously. I love playing but if I'm going to play I'm going to play well or I might as well not play at all. At the local cardroom, I've done well almost everytime I go but online is a different story since I never remain consistent and after building what would be a suitable bankroll to some I burn through it quicker than tigerwoods runs through busted wafflehouse waitresses. Then I go for weeks without playing cause I get frustrated with the game. Run hot, get cocky, play higher, lose it, like a vicious cycle. So since November 1st I've put in 5000 hands online Multi-tabling the micro-stakes and am working on the struggle with my own ego daily. I'm starting from step 1 again, but I'm putting in the work now studying the game everytime before I play rather than just relying on lucky breaks and thinking I can coast. If play for 2-4 hours I at least study vids and books on the game for 1 1/2 hours minimum that day, so I'm a lot prouder of the accomplishments of the small uptick with the last 5000 hands than the couple times at the beginning of the year I luckboxed two victories.

I've got a lot of things I'm working on in my personal life now. I don't want to do things half way anymore or give up on things I love when it gets hard. so I want to let my action speak louder than my words and be able to revel in reaching each of my personal goals one by one. I want a bunch of things I can be proud of and am going to keep putting in the time to build my personal accomplishments in life one by one. Motivation is nothing without work so I'll try to talk less about what I want and work harder to get what I want. Going to bed.

Time to take my life back and stop being a scared lil girl.

2010-11-01T00:00:00.000-07:00

Ever see those people who are so driven towards their life's purpose they eat sleep and breath it. I always admire when a person really dedicates themself to something wholeheartedly and sticks to their goals. I've always been someone halfassing my way through life and I when I think about it, it really kinda bugs the hell out of me when there's so much more I could be doing and so little that I am actually doing. My little brother is a Type A. He's motivated and driven. Works hard and then plays hard. Mostly works and hardly plays, but you get the idea. I don't know how he does it. His wife is the same way. They're both savages. I've been making some changes in my life realizing I don't want to keep walking around in circles and never reaching my ultimate goals in life. or any goals for that matter. I don't want to be a professional half asser. Anything I want to do, the only thing that keeps me from my goals is my doubt in myself. The only thing that will help me to reach my goals is the sheer raw will and determination to reach whatever peak I seek to climb and the daily dilligence to stick to focusing each morning I wake up on learning what I need to get there. I've got nothing holding me back and no excuses anymore. It's the 1st of November. I'm going to work hard on my personal goals and really focus on dedicating myself to getting where I want to be in life. Easier said than done but I'm gonna do it.

Reflections on a Past Love

2010-10-14T03:00:00.000-07:00

I always seem to make the same mistakes when it comes to the people I let into my life.

Letting the same record play over and over, and some how thinking the song will turn out differently each time. I blame myself because I'm a bad judge in character. After all, how can I see the character of another clearly when I can't even be sure of the person looking back at me in the mirror. Who is that guy? I feel like its taken a while to learn just enough to get a grasp of who I am. So without truly honestly knowing the real me, how can I really get to know someone else.

I don't have much sympathy for myself though as I let into my life someone who leeched on to me to the point where I was more focused on her than myself. Dedicating myself to a cause not worth fighting for. Dying inside for something not worth living for. She became my distraction and I became her caffeine drip. When she needed money, I was there to supply. My place was hers, my doors were open wide, and yet not feeling happy or content but more stressed each day I kept wondering why I was still feeling this way, extending my arms to a person that didn't exist. The person I wanted to believe was there was just a fantasy. The joy I thought I was getting from this connection left me feeling weary and empty. For months trying to connect with someone that I had no business opening up my life to, I regret it sincerely as in the end, it ended up becoming a chapter I wish I never wrote, a page I wish I could tear out. Rather than a dream I could fondly look back on it will become a sobering memory I will never forget. The heart moves on but never really forgets.

------------------------------------------------------

I wrote this reflecting on someone I knew a while back. My life has changed drastically in the last 2 to 3 months being without this person but it was only after letting go of this person in my life that I could somewhat get back to focusing on myself. I didn't realize it at the time but I spent all my time focusing on her along with a job that started killing me on the inside with the demands and abusiveness endured that literally I did not have the energy to devote to anything else. *When the things I loved lost their shine how can I speak of happiness in a world long forgotten.* Since the beginning of the year I've seen how one selfish woman in a mans life can make that man bend over backwards to do whatever he can to please her. That's not the way I want to live my life anymore. I may not have that much to offer but the little that I can offer is more real than the world of promise of someone who offers but never delivers. I have a new life ahead of me, a lot of past joys that I want to get back to and a lot of things that still need figuring out, but its been taking some time.

WeiX: Should i shake hands with my college classmates or high five/pound with them?

2010-03-20T18:38:00.000-07:00

WeiX: Should i shake hands with my college classmates or high five/pound with them?

business major

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

Keith:

give them a pound and say "yo G, keep it pimpin in bizness. yo boy be making cash money!" If you do that, they will love you.

If they're under 30 you'll usually give them a pound oh a half handshake. it's like a casual handshake gesture without the shake but it sometimes has a snap at the end. lol. or seriously for just about anyone especially If they're over 30 wait for them to gesture that they're giving a handshake or a pound or whatever and follow their lead. Few older people will pound but most will probably just say "why are you touching me?" Good luck.

PS. Don't ever high five anyone except a 5 year old. That's just creepy weird now days.

Asker's Rating:
Asker's Comment:: lol sweet

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2nd Tournament Win This Month! - Won $1695!!

2010-01-21T05:36:00.000-08:00

Hey poker afficionados. This month has been the most successful month I've had at the tables but at the same time I think it's also been the most disturbing month. I've had a tough time trying to maintain my success and have struggled again with tilt, bankroll management and the frustration of poker. My cash game results have gone to hell and suffered at the hands of tilt yet my tournament results have skyrocketed to where I've actuallly made 3 final tables this month placing 1st in an $11 buy-in No Limit Holdem tourney, 1st in a $26 buy-in Pot Limit Holdem tourney and 2nd in a micro stakes PLO tourney (I think it was a $2 buy-in but.... can't remember). The ups and downs have been wearing on me and I haven't been playing long enough to deserve to be able to say that. It's not like I'm playing 10 years at the tables 8 hours a day like Phil Ivey, but I'm realizing that when they call poker 'a grind' they mean it. So I'm going to hire a coach tomorrow cause I really need the help big time if I'm going to be consistent.

So today I played a tournament on PokerStars. $11 buy-in, $7000 guarantee, over $10,000 in the prize pool with 1012 players and I end up taking that bad boy down. I got VERY LUCKY. So I can't say it was skill although throughout the around 6 and a half hours of play I felt like there were so many moments where while I play I'd get fatigued, I'd start to make looser calls and had to constantly reel myself in around break times and sometimes sit out a couple hands to meditate until I got myself back on track. Anyway some skill, a lot of luck against opponents who I felt played better than me, but I kept in there grinding away and at the end I was the last one standing.

Here's the video of my latest win. Now I gotta get to bed :-P If only these tournaments didn't last until 3 in the morning. zzzz....zzzzz....

I have registered to play in the PokerStars World Blogger Championship of Online Poker! This PokerStars tournament is a No Limit Texas Hold’em event exclusive to Bloggers, you too can take part by registering on WBCOOP
Registration code: 998613

MoMoney: Can I Fix My Marriage as Opposed to Getting A Divorce ?

2010-01-06T18:42:00.000-08:00

MoMoney: Can I Fix My Marriage as Opposed to Getting A Divorce ?

I married a guy who did 25 years in prison & he has 31 years of parole left to do Unless it gets dismissed some how. We have been married 3 1/2 years and in that time I have called the police 4 times, had him arrested once, dropped the charges when I learned he would have to go back & do the 31 years for VOP. We do not communicate. He has hit me several times since, he has locked me in my home, disconnected my phone & computer. & threatened to break my jaw. He left tonight to go sleep in our storage building.
Main problem is I believe he has been ubfaithful to me, I have No Proof, only a " gut feeling."If I want a divorce, he says " Do Not Talk to him about it, Shut your suck ! " Also, " He says" I ain't leaving no matter what you do !! " What can I do ??
I am disabled, don't drive etc..? AND I am at My wits end..

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

Keith:

You sure know how to pick em!

omg just reading this. Dena is that you? My ex I kicked out of my place cheated with a guy like that over me. like wtf? I'm a nice guy, got my own place, job, responsible, pretty chill, do what I gotta, and he was old, abusive and living with his parents. like wtf? anyway. Your relationship is long gone. What do you expect marrying a guy who went to prison. He didn't go to prison cause he's so charming..... he went to prison cause he was probably being an @sshole and doing something stupid. So I think instead of being co-dependent and trying to make something work that shouldn't, it's time to leave him alone, focus on yourself, and stop loving guys who abuse you and throwing away the good guys who won't. Dena I know that's you! lol.

If you're disabled and don't drive, I'd suggest family is a good place to start asking to help you out of your situation. A friend perhaps. If you're cute, hell, I got a room. my email is.... jk. seriously though hun you need to get out of that situation before he takes away your light completely and makes you bitter and cynical. Don't let anyone hurt you like that. You're worth much more than that and he doesn't deserve a good woman like you.

Asker's Rating:
Asker's Comment:: Keith, I am not DENA, but I may as well be one right ? Thanks for The Great advice Nancy

See the whole conversation here

Guess who's crushing donkaments to bring in the new year! Won $1080 on FullTilt Poker!

2010-01-01T22:31:00.000-08:00

Okay so after reviewing my progress at the end of the month with all of you, guess what happens? I buy in to a donkament on Full Tilt Poker. First donkament of the new year, Pot Limit Holdem, $26 buy-in 152 players, and I decided I'd take a shot and see how far I can go. Five hours later, I'm heads up for the win and end up taking down the tourney. 5 in the morning, no sleep whatsoever and bam! $1080 put into my account. Thank you Full Tilt Poker :) So now to give my first update of the new year, my bankroll is now $1803.51. :) Pretty sweet. Great way to start off 2010.

Poker! New Years Goals!

2009-12-30T23:24:00.000-08:00

Hey Poker Aficionados,

So guess what? I know you're thinking I went busto again and lost all my money aren't ya? well yeah that actually did happen but that's besides the point. I'm actually up for the month of December and have actually outdone my own expectations. Except for the busting part.....

So it's been a while and I wanted to go ahead and give a full update of my online poker progress in December. The ups and downs, Where I started, where I'm at, as well as what lies ahead for me in the new year.

The month of December

Playing Style: Was swingy and left me with a bunch of specific points to note in my game. 1. I've improved tremendously in my hand reading ability. I used to just look at the strength of my cards and take stabs in the dark at what my opponents have. Now although not perfect have learned to narrow down the range of my opponents hands. 2. I love being a LAG. (Loose Aggressive Player) I am very aggressive at the tables and have mixed in a lot of 3betting and some check-raising into my game, keeping players honest, and using aggression as leverage in spots where I don't have position, or need to get more information about the opponents hands. I used to be a bit unsure about the right times to kick start the aggression and bluff opponents, now I feel like I am usually on point with most well timed bluffs and probably need to bring it back in a little. 3. LAG play has it's drawbacks. Poker = Variance, Variance is a Biatch, so if you're mixing it up and getting into a lot of pots, you will have way swingier sessions. Still it's worth it to me at these stakes to mix it up with players, especially when I feel I have an edge against them. When I don't thats, when I need to reel it back in, but I'm working each day to make the best decisions possible

Setbacks: I've had some tough times as I've tried hard the first 2 weeks and the more hands I play the harder it is sometimes to keep focus since you want to auto-pilot. I felt within the month I haven't been as consistent as I would like to. I missed some good +EV spots and pushed action in spots where I knew I was beat but was too stubborn to let go of the hand. Two of these spots are in my head where my hand was clearly beat but I got so emotional about playing the hand badly that I just shut down the thinking. I think we all have moments where our emotions get the best of us but I have to work harder to change habits like that if I ever want to really be a consistent success at poker. I can't let emotions make my decisions for 1 hand since they'll be plenty of spots where I'll put my money in later in the session and know I have the best of it. This is tilt in a way. although not the uber monkey tilt that I used to be on, but I still tilt in small ways here and there, although playing better helps to limit the damage tilt does to my bankroll. I have a lot of work to do in disciplining myself. Letting go of hands when they're beat and not getting emotionally attached. I also don't want to kid myself and think I'm like this professional poker player bad @ss. I have a lot of work to do to ever be able to say I am a good player. I'm just a donk who gets lucky but I'll keep studying hard to make sure that the luck as well as the skill is consistent

Progress Report (The Poker Road so far) : well I know the one or two people who actually get past the first paragraph in these posts are probably wondering where am I at money wise (yes mom, I promise I won't play poker til 2 in the morning). Well I climbed up for a while as I kept on working my way up the poker ranks. Heads up poker has been good to me this month. The mano y mano approach of reading one player, learning his tendencies, adjusting to his game, the competitive and personal nature of it all is so amazing and it has netted me some good results for the month. As you'll see on the Heads Up graph for December I had a good month playing HU although one of the last opponents really did some damage to me since he was a reg at the tables. I wanted to challenge myself a little but he took me to the cleaners. He wasn't that much better than me. infact I'd say if there was an edge it was maybe 5% but apparently he didn't like losing coin flips and decided that any pocket pair was good against my two high cards and vice versa. Plus everytime I put him on a weak hand I was right. problem was it was one tad bit less weaker than mine..... like I'd be sure he didn't have top pair in a spot and push all in with my second pair on a K 9 6 board with 98 and he'd have 9J. It was a tad annoying but at least I know how to play against the uber aggressive tard if I ever want to challenge myself against him.

Heads Up Graph for December

and surprisingly 6-max has been ultra good to me. I wasn't much of a 9-max player it seemed since losing almost $200 to 9-max this month...... 6-max allows me to still play somewhat aggressive, get mixed up in a lot of hands with players when I feel I can push them around and have an edge on them but at the same time isn't a TAG (Tight Aggressive Player) fest where you have to wait around all day for a hand. Because the blinds come around faster forcing people to play more hands, I can still get into a lot of pots and then work on my reading individual players as I pick and choose 2 or 3 people at the table who I wanna get involved with and try to outplay.

My 6-Max Graph for December

PLO
So I did play a little bit of PLO although I said I would stay away. For the most part I did but everytime I played I would play pretty good actually........... and still get slaughtered. It was like the poker gods were biatch smacking me everytime I played a session of PLO, probably because I said I wouldn't play it and they were teaching me a lesson :-P jk. I only played 233 hands of Omaha this month but managed to lose $81. I also lost 4 hands in a row 4 tabling where literally on my holdem manager they happened at each table simultaneously where I was a coin flip or ahead of the guy and got crushed. Okay maybe one of those hands I was slightly behind but come on, 4 hands near 50/50 and I get smacked? lol That's poker :)

My PLO Graph for December

busto happens when you're underrolled even if you're playing the best. I know I may not play the best but I've improved tremedously over the past 2 months of study and this last month of play and study and I feel confident that if I keep at it I will keep improving. So sometime in the middle of this month I manged to eat dirt due to some bad luck and some bad play. If you ever see me using my points instead of cash then it's probably cause I went bust. So I had to deposit $80 again at payday and work my way back up. If I want to make sure I can be a consistent winner I have to work on my endurance and stay focused even when the session runs long or I feel I'm getting p0wned. I've actually played over 9000 hands this month, playing mostly 1-3 tables at a time and I have to say that even though I had a bit of a challenge working my way up I've had a truly successful month when it comes to my improved performance and my bankroll increase.

My Total Hands Played Graph
The graph is off for a few reasons. one is that I played some Tournaments and SNGs, although probably no more than 10 total but I was successful in turning a $13 into $109 and I'm sure with the extra money to lose it adds to the fact that my graph dips lower than what I deposited when I had my busto moment, plus I'm getting a lot of rakeback, which is not included in the graph. FullTilt Poker pays 27% rakeback for the amount of rake you pay the site so if you sign up with a rakeback program like I do then you can take advantage of the extra money being deposited into your account every week.

My Total Hands Played Graph for the Month of December

Rakeback for the Month of December
The MGR is the monthly gross rake (the rake I paid to Fulltilt for the privilege of playing) and at the right you'll see what I get deposited into my account for rakeback. This chart shows the whole year. As you'll see I haven't played on this account until October came around. So in December I made $164.53 in rakeback :) much better than what I would have got at pokerstars at these stakes so I'm living high off the hog. I have about $50 of that being deposited on Friday so it feels pretty good to know I'm getting paid to play in other ways too.

Rakeback for the Year

So what's the grand total so far? well I'm happy to say I'm definitely in the black and proud of the progress I've made but I gotta be honest with myself. I have a lot of work to do and don't want to lose any of the progress in bankroll building that I have made. I think the next few days I have to take a break from the table and work on my fundamentals for Heads up play, Study the videos some more and make sure when I hit the tables again that I monitor my play better this month. I'm proud of the strides but need to improve if I'm going to be able to whether any kind of storm if I encounter the dreaded "run bad". I want to be playing my A game cause if I'm playing 100%, my optimum game and bad luck is working 80% on me for a week then I'll only profit 20% that week but I'll be doing well. Now if I'm playing 50% of my optimum best and bad luck is working 80% harder than the norm, then I'll be handing out money like creepy old men hand out candy to little girls, fast and often. I got a lot of work to do if I want to perform my best at the poker tables, and I don't want to waste the good will of fish who have offered to pay for my poker education :) lol that sounds bad but since I'm a fish I can say that.

My Bankroll Total

Current Bankroll = $700.41 (not counting this Fridays rakeback payment)
Total Deposits for December = $160
Money Made in the month of December = $540.41
My Poker Playing Grade = C-

What's in store for 2010.

2010 is going to be my year. I may be saying that and feeling a bit like I'm on Survivor putting my head on the chopping block but I truly believe that. I'm going to be studying harder than I ever have and working on perfecting my game. I want to improve and I know that it's not as simple as sitting down at a table hoping to get lucky. In my current state I'm playing mediocre with some bits of genius. I managed to call 2 or 3 people down with King high knowing they were bluffing the river with nothing and winning the pot. That's a good feeling when you feel that confident in trusting your reads. In all my poker playing I've never done that up until this month so I have definitely learned a lot but I have a long way to go. Once I finish committing to memory a lot of the tips I've learned for heads up play when it comes to combating different player types I plan to hire a poker coach and get a couple sessions. I keep saying that, but yes I'm gonna do it. I want to be able to take advantage of everything a coach can teach but I can't do that without getting a lot these heads up specific fundamentals down, otherwise what he's saying will just go over my head without having the fundamentals down pat.

So I plan to work hard and play hard this year and hopefully one day I'll be sitting at a World Series of Poker Final Table or playing high stakes cash at the Commerce but first lets work on not going broke again and use all the good will I've gotten in cash and use it to become a better and more consistent player. I have a long way to go.

Sunnydelight_01: Boyfriend losing interest? Why doesn't he call anymore?

2009-12-23T18:22:00.000-08:00

Sunnydelight_01: Boyfriend losing interest? Why doesn't he call anymore?

My boyfriend and I had been living together for a year and then he got in some legal trouble ( dui ) and he had to move in with some relatives to help him out. That was about a month ago, and it seems like I never hear from him anymore.I should also let you all know that we were both alcoholics and our relationship involved us partying and drinking alot. I have been sober for 2 months, and he has been sober for one. I see him around 3 - 4 days a week and it involves us having sex and that's about it. During the week, we rarely talk. I'm scared that he's going to cheat on me since we live 45 minutes away now or lose interest in me. Am I overexaggerating? It's just lonely now without him, but at the same time it doesn't feel the same when we're together.

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

Keith:

he doesn't call you anymore because he doesn't like you maybe? jk

Your relationship was based on addiction and now sex is filling the void of addiction. Most alcoholics relapse so you should worry more about staying sober than about this guy. I think it's got to be really hard on you trying to get over drinking and not having any support and it's making it even more unbearable. Trying to give up two vices at once is hard but I think that whether or not it's easy, it's probably time to move on to a new chapter of your life completely. One note of warning: Two former alcoholics together is very dangerous. If he relapses, you'll probably feel compelled to relapse and vice versa. It's hard enough getting over an addiction but if one of you moves backwards and the other forwards, it will only serve to deteriorate your relationship. So make sure if you do decide to be with him that you put yourself first and stay sober. Relationships are not easy and take work but if he's not willing to put in the work then find someone who is and don't be afraid to start over. You are doing just that with being sober, so don't be afraid to do it with dating either. good luck hun

Asker's Rating:
Asker's Comment:: True true. I do need to put myself first and stop worrying about him! Thank you!!

See the whole conversation here

More Than I Am Today (Dreams)

2009-12-14T03:57:00.000-08:00

Lately the past few days I've been thinking about what it means to be confident. What it means to be a man. In the world we live in of materialism, egotism, and basing the people we're attracted to by the best attributes, money, status, looks, it feels like when I look at any of those factors I feel somewhat ambivalent. I'm not famous, I'm not particularly interesting (or at least I don't feel that way) and I sometimes feel like I don't have anything to offer to the people in my life, except maybe a few kind words from a nice person. Obviously not a winning applicant for a dating show, or interesting enough to be a reality TV star or talk show personality. No body of Adonis here. In fact whenever I used to do those dating websites I'd have to sit for an hour thinking, is it really this hard to sell myself here?

Society judges us on our merits and our successes. We look to make our names known by the big accomplishments we make. Yet why do I feel that within the 29 years that I've lived I haven't done anything great. Is it because I haven't or is it because it's not noticeable when compared and stacked up against the accomplishments of great people in our society, whether geniuses who seek modern day cures of disease, or actors who bare their souls in front of the world and painstakingly craft their performance until it's perfection in art.

I wished as a little kid that I would be someone great, maybe famous, maybe well known, maybe rich, but I'm not an actor, I'm not a scientist, I'm not an international business man, sometimes, I don't even feel like much of a man but still more like that little boy still wishing for his dreams to come true. I know I am who I am. I'm a little weird, uncomfortable in my own skin, sometimes talk to much, usually say the wrong things as I scratch my head wondering "why did I just say that", but when I think about it all, I actually do love my life and how far I've come. I went from pampered and spoiled to being homeless and desperate to being content, forward looking and yes even hopeful despite set backs in my life and being able to see that the little kid still has dreams and that he pushes to make them come true, it's awe-inspiring.

I'm working on my dreams everyday no matter how silly they may seem. Dedicating myself to a goal wholeheartedly. I'm not someone who's taken one path and stuck to it. I look around and sometimes wonder if I'm all alone in this. But I try to remember not to give up, because I know somewhere deep down inside, even if I don't always believe it, that I can and will do anything if I set my mind to it and not deviate from it until I reach my goal. If I'm hungry enough, if I want something bad enough, I will do whatever it takes to get there. I might not be someone great, rich or famous but as long as whatever I want in life, I give my all to attain it, then even if I died poor broke and penniless, I could die happy because that hopeful little boy inside of me is going to live forever chasing his dreams.

My iflipr.com Featured "Poker Math" Flash Card Deck

2009-12-12T16:52:00.000-08:00

Just taking a look at some of the nerdy poker related things I've done and I noticed my iflipr.com Featured Flash Card Deck "Poker Math - Texas Holdem Odds & Percentages" has over 2000 downloads. Hooray! So just think 2000 people are looking at their iphones right now trying to remember if bottom pair against two overs and a straight draw are 49% or 48% to win. Oh the challenge of it all! Of course I still can't seem to beat the Basic Muscles Flash Card Deck... So basically you're telling me everyone thinks it's more important to remember 16 of their basic muscles that they never use anyway sitting on the couch eating Dorritos and Bonbons all day and less people want to know the odds and percentages to playing King Jack against an Ace Ten? Come on people! Where's your priorities! Ace Ten against King Jack can win you money, where even knowing your basic muscles those Dorritos and Bonbons will give you a triple bypass.

The road so far: As far as the last 3 days, I had a run in with my toughest LAG opponent at the heads up tables where I took my biggest hit yet and lost $66.25 just to this one opponent. Yikes! That's the most I've lost to one guy so far this month but through patience and finding some fishier loose passive and weak-tight opponents, I was able to get most of it back. Nobody said this game was easy....

While I'm working on putting up some good results by the end of next week, my friend BoldBet, another member of Deuces Cracked has been doing this kinda poker blogging way longer than I have and focuses on 6 max NLHE. You can check his blog out at http://nolimitgrinder.blogspot.com/

So I started on December 1st. Where am I at? (My Hand Graph)

2009-12-10T02:26:00.000-08:00

So it's been 10 days since I've started back out on the online poker road. So the obvious question is where are you at money wise? Although that's not as important as the amount of hands I put in and how much I improve, I still want to try to get the most accurate read I can in regards to my cash game play and my bankroll. That's part of why I decided to leave the tournaments alone and just focus on Cash games on FullTilt Poker. My hand graph on Pokertracker was so wacky from playing deuce to seven, omaha, tournaments, cash games, that my bankroll and graph didn't correlate much. This time, everything should match up a lot better since I'm specializing in No Limit Holdem Cash and leaving the tournaments alone at the moment. Maybe one day I'll plop some money on Stars for a tourney, who knows. Not any time soon.

The Noobs Online Poker Road:

December 1st - 3rd

Deposited $50 and Started out playing Full Ring 25NL and didn't do so good in the first hour. So I decided to try out my heads up training and take it for a test run and had some success. Although rocky at first, I managed to increase a bit but due to some bad luck 4 Tabling Full Ring games and some bad play, I managed to run $50 into a whopping zero ball. $0 by the 3rd. So I ended up having to deposit $30 and figured, well, if I lose this $30 then I guess Keith's Poker Journey will be postponed to December 15th due to bad weather (payday). Granted I would have deposited more but money doesn't grow on trees. I got bills to pay. :)

So after I deposited the $30 and focused everything I could to make sure I didn't go bust, ran into some good spots, I managed to run my numbers up a bit and by the end of the day the graph was looking a lot healthier.

December 3rd - Look at how the bankroll dips to -$50. That's when I went bust and deposited $30

So you'll notice with the $30 I deposited and the way the graph goes from the -$50 to +$66 ($116 growth). So that's $30 + $116 = $146 (seen above). So I basically got real donking lucky and was able to get myself back up from the poker grave.

December 4th - 10th

Swinginess ensues. Poker isn't as easy as it looks and I basically went through some difficulty playing poorly at the 25NL Full Ring games. I wonder as to the reason why my 9 max game was suffering and my heads up (HU) game was improving. I have a bunch of different ideas but I think it's honestly asking myself "what is my primary motivation.

9 max motivation = Money
I realize that although I'm playing lower stakes (25NL) at 9 max I happen to be playing 4 tables at a time basically trying to do what I did before the 3 weeks of Heads Up study. Wait for hands to get paid. No real strategy, just being a NIT and not really thinking. This is not bad mind you and 9 max has a lot to learn from it but I didn't put in any training for playing 9 handed in the 3 weeks and was so motivated about learning and growing in heads up that effectively I wasn't really motivated except to multi-table and build up the bankroll. Seeing that I was playing for the wrong reasons my 9 max graph has continued to decline as I got impatient and was playing for the money (As well as some major suck outs....) I'm not making excuses, cause I know I can change this if I buckle down with 9 max and give it as much study time as I do heads up (which I will have to if I intend to keep playing 9 handed) but that would mean I need to start pulling out the training videos for full ring and work on that when I'm still quite focused on improving my heads up game and as I mentioned in former posts about trying to specialize more and more, I don't want to deviate too much from heads up being the focus.

Graph for my 9 handed game from December 1st to December 10th.

Heads Up motivation = To Learn and Grow
Now even though I'm not as focused on 9 max since I'm not studying or trying to learn anything there, conversely I've been studying daily on how to improve my heads up game. Granted I am a noob at both types of game and don't have a big enough hand sample to say I'm any good at either, I notice my attitude is totally different when playing Heads up than it is playing 9 handed poker. I'm more focused, more motivated. Watching each hand and paying attention to everything my opponent does keeps me engaged where I would just lose focus 9 handed thinking just about the money. My focus in heads up is on my opponent, figuring out how he's playing and putting the puzzle pieces together. Like chess I'm trying to think of what my opponents next move will be and trying to adjust and outplay him (out level him) So with heads up play forcing myself to become totally engaged, it's actually turned my worst game into my most exciting and currently most profitable. So as long as I keep my focus on the game and not on the money I know that I'll do well.

Graph for my heads up game from December 1st to December 10th.

As I said, heads up was my worst game but apparently I'm doing everything I can to improve from table selection, to practicing everything I learned in the heads up videos on the different types of opponents, to hand history reviews, and giving it killer focus. Granted I'm getting lucky too since a sample size of 606 heads up hands is meaningless, but I can see the marked difference in my game and in my mindset and that's what counts.

Where am I at now December 10th 2009?
Well as far as my bankroll it's still small but it's coming along. I've managed to claw my way up from busto and depositing $30 to a small but convenient roll that if can avoid any major bad luck, I can hopefully slowly and steadily move it upwards. If not, it's okay cause I've got a lot to learn before I can expect that I'll be a winning player if I was just a losing player over a month ago. You're only a winning player when you can consistently prove to yourself month after month that as your game grows, your bankroll grows. I'll get there but it will take a lot of time, focus, hard work, and study.

Graph for all games from December 1st to December 10th.

Bankroll for December 10th

Changes made this time starting out on the online poker road.

2009-12-10T01:04:00.000-08:00

Well since going busto the beginning of November, I made some changes which will definitely help me as I progress in this game. As I talked about prior, I studied hardcore for 3 weeks and made it my mission to discipline myself at the poker tables. What else have I done? Well, three things. First I started using Holdem Manager instead of Poker Tracker.

1. Holdem Manager: What is HM and PT? It's a program that you can keep track of everything your opponent does at the table and give you their stats, like how much they raise, call, etc. At first when I got HM I had to fiddle around with it but after a short while it was up and running and honestly Holdem Manager was so much more user friendly I'm never switching back to Pokertracker.

Besides that, I decided that I would be playing on FullTilt Poker instead of PokerStars. Why you ask?

2. FullTilt Poker & Rakeback: Well for one I've changed in regards to my playing time each day. I don't play for more than 3 hours a day since I need to work on tilt control, studying, accurate hand reviews and leak finding. More time for working on my poker foundation, less time for play. So there's no more weekend 8 hour mammoth long sessions trying to make it to Goldstar or Platinumstar on PS. No more playing 8 tables at the same time. I'm just focusing on no more than 4 at a time and making sure I focus hard on the amount I'm playing. If you're not playing enough hours or table on PokerStars to get to these levels then unfortunately the amount of points and rewards you get are very small at the base level.

I want my points and rakeback to count. I know with FullTilt I'll be getting rakeback and FullTilt points whether I play for 5 hours a week or 40 hours a week, it will still be getting a strong amount of points and rakeback even at the lower limits, where with Pokerstars if I play say for 5 hours a week, then I haven't even reached Silverstar level unless I have 20 tables open. so I'm getting a small amount of points and no rakeback and nothing really substantial. If I was playing high stakes that would be different but with these low stakes and just learning, I need to play where every hour I put in will count. Although I love Pokerstars, for right now, I'll keep them more for my EPT satellite tournament dreams rather than focusing the bulk of my cash game time there.

3. Heads Up No Limit: I've been playing heads up pretty much exclusively. Remember I said I was gonna focus on holdem, well I've definitely kept the promise to myself to focus on one game but in the beginning of the month I was playing both 25NL - 9 handed tables, 4 at a time and 50NL Heads up, 1 table at a time. Well after playing both for the past week and a half I been playing less and less 9 max and have been focusing more on heads up.

Heads up used to be my WORST game. I didn't know the difference of a value bet and a bluff, I was so bad. Due to all the heads up training videos I watched in the 3 week poker hiatus in November my game has improved tremendously. I'm still a noob but I'm a lot better than I was. So knowing this I've decided to dedicate my time to focusing on 50NL - Heads Up No Limit Holdem, and seeing where that road takes me. Don't get me wrong, I will play a little Full Ring and 6 max every now and then, but I'm excited every time I sit at a heads up table, and although it's tough, and I'm not really bankrolled for it, I'm going to give it my best shot. If I have to redeposit then so be it. I'm prepared for that, but I'm loving the game and going to keep playing and practicing each day until I'm able to hang with the best of them.

Conclusion: So basically those are some of the changes I've made. I plan to keep moving forward and I know the more I play, the stronger my game will become. I'm going to keep studying as much as I can and seriously focusing on every session. I may not go from zero to hero in a day like I planned at the beginning of my poker journey, but that's not my goal anymore. It's not about the money. My goal is to just take things, one hand at a time, one day at a time and to become an amazing poker player and to make sure that when I do get to sit at that final table some day in the future, my game will be so sharp that I'll be more than ready to take on the best players, and when I go all in, I'll be the one that has the best of it and I will be the one who comes out on top.

Disclaimer: This author makes no guarantees he won't go busto though..... small bankrolls are a biatch when you're starting out, especially in Heads Up. :) So don't laugh too hard if I'm whining from el busto loco coming to visit. :)

My 1st week back on the felt - A heads up match against NLPokerBoy

2009-12-08T23:01:00.000-08:00

Hi poker world. So I haven't put up hand graphs for a while now basically because of various reasons like, I suck at poker and couldn't keep it up like an old man without viagra. I went busto last month as you know and I had to take 3 weeks off to study and work on my game which needed extreme medical attention more than I realized. I was measuring my progress in the money I've made in the past through lucky swings and that gave me a false sense of optimism in my game when I still know so little and have so much work to do. So I had to stop playing, work on my tilt control as well as the fundamentals so I decided to go to Deuces Cracked and tackle Heads Up No Limit and work on the game that I had the most trouble with and planned to keep working on my game until it was sound before I would start playing again. It will take many weeks before I can prove to myself that I'm a good player and not just lucky. In actuality it will be hard to judge that unless there's at least tens of thousands of hands for an accurate sample size of my win rate, but compared to 4 weeks ago when I couldn't play HUNL to save my own life, I feel like now I have some of the fundamentals down and I can definitely see a difference even if it's just a small jump.

Here is a video from my first week back on the virtual felt. Last week I did pretty well and am proud of my HUNL play. When I put up this weeks video I plan to balance it out as I did not do as well this week and although I'm up, I've had 3 LAG players I couldn't adjust to and definitely challenged myself playing with these guys. I also found out 2 of them were regs. So much for trying to search out the fish. Anyway, that's for next week. Here's last weeks video for one of my favorite matches against a LAG named NLPokerBoy.

PartyGrl20: I'm afraid to do oral with my boyfriend, is this normal?

2009-12-07T22:32:00.000-08:00

PartyGrl20: I'm afraid to do oral with my boyfriend, is this normal?

my friend told me that you can get syphilis from doing that and im very scared and my boyfriend is getting kind of pushy with it and i dont really know what to do

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

Keith:

You're not going to get syphillis. if anything you'll get a stiff neck and maybe whiplash if he's really big. But honestly if he's getting pushy then you need to shut him down. If you're not ready he needs to respect that. Sounds to me like he's just a horndog and a bit of an @ss and just wants sex.

Ohhhh I know. tell him that men dressing in baby diapers is hot and that the only way you'll give him head is if he puts on a diaper. If he does it then take a picture, laugh at him, call him an idiot and slam the door in his face telling him "did you really think I'd give you head?" if you do that then you don't have to give him head AND you don't have some loser pressuring you. it's a Win-Win! plus you have a good picture to show to his friends for him being such an @ss to you.

Never let a guy pressure you into doing anything. If he does then leave em alone. a man who really cares about you will talk to you about it or be okay if you don't want to do it, rather than just expect you to do it and get mad when you don't

oh and finally, the likelyhood of you getting any disease from sucking his lollypop is slim to none. check out www.medhelp.org and you'll find out whats the chances of getting any kind of std. You have nothing to worry about. except that you have an @sshole bf

Asker's Rating:
Asker's Comment:: thanks! haha

See the whole conversation here

November Grind = 勉強して! 勉強して! 勉強して!

2009-12-05T11:36:00.000-08:00

Hello world! Back again for an update as to the progress of my poker journey. Now it's been a month since my last post, and there's a few reasons adding up to the blog invisibility. Apparently I suck at poker. lol jk. I'm still learning and have a lot to learn, but I couldn't seem to make any consistent strides early on in the month. I last told you about some success I was having at the table. Well the success was short lived and eventually I was brought crashing down to earth. As I was throwing away money like a virgin at a strip club I realized that not only was I still making some of my old mistakes with lack on tilt control and playing way too long sessions, but it seemed like every time I would have a bad luck streak and lose 2 or 3 buy-ins, the rest of my session even if there were plenty of money making opportunities at the table, my play would eventually go downhill due to my frustration with the first 2 hours of random bad luck. So basically my sessions went a lot like this: a. Keith loses 2 buy-ins in hour one, b. Keith goes on full blown monkey tilt, c. Keith plays like a donkey in hour two and where he could win 2 buy-ins, continues to lose 2 more due to bad play, so effectively Keith has missed out on 4 buy-ins, d. Keith needs to buy new computer since he threw it into the TV. note: remember to buy new TV.

I've had such rapid success in the past where I'd go up a couple buy-ins due to luck so that when I face a rough patch, I don't know how to deal is basically what it came down to. So if I'm going through a day, a week, or whatever the time frame is where I only seem to be at best breaking even, I auto-tilt. Well that's one of my problems, being too impatient and wanting my former successes today. That's not how poker works but that's also half my problem.

Another leak that I was noticing was well....... my play in general..... pretty much was garbage. I did a video with my Deuces Cracked Secret HQ group and sweated some of the players and got to see how they thought about each hand. I saw how much better they were at making reads, knowing when their ace high was probably good, or when they should toss it, knowing how the certain type of player may react to a bet and when they were ready to tilt off all their chips or hunker down and muy TAG it up. They just had better fundamentals and a better understanding of gameflow and their post flop play was miles ahead of mine. While I didn't even know when was the best time to value bet or bluff, they were already on another level. A lot of them have poker coaches which I was and still am considering but I would just waste the good will of a coach if I didn't handle my first problem which was going on Full Blown Monkey Tilt after I go on a downswing or a break even streak. So how do I fix the problem besides making sure I'm doing a lot of what I mentioned in previous post with meditation, session breaks and becoming the Buddha? Well I needed to stop thinking about the money all together. The money aspect is killing my game because I'm so attached to money in my regular life that when ever I play poker it translates over. So for example if you lose and go on a downswing, it's hard to focus on being a better player if you're thinking "damn I just lost half the money I'll be playing with until next paycheck. OMG what a donk I am! I gotta get it back! what am I gonna do???" Now who's with me on putting a shot gun to the voice in my head thinking that? God it's annoying. It's not even a manly voice, more like a whiney little girl.... anyway, So I basically had to stop thinking about the money all together and start focusing on the play. Easier said than done? Absolutely, but nothing comes easy, hence the 4 week hiatus. What did I do? WELL, besides donking off a bankroll I went back to hitting the books. Poker books that is. and when I say poker books I mean watching poker training videos. :)

Okay so anyway, I challenged myself to watch the pr1nnyraiding series on Deuces Cracked. It's a 8 hour video series on heads up no-limit holdem. Now heads up is my worst game. Like I totally dive bomb at heads up because in heads up you have to play with only one other person and you basically have to think about EVERY hand. You're playing the player, not the hand, so if you're not getting into the head of your opponent and trying to understand them, you're automatically destined to lose. It's the hardest form of holdem to play but if you can do well at heads up then it will help you with every other type of table because you'll always end up in pots playing heads up with another player and the amount of knowledge and understanding that you learn from dealing with each type of player is priceless since you'll see the differences and similarities in how one person plays compared to another which will help you to make educated, informed guesses about the type of player you're up against.

So I went hardcore the last 3 weeks and drilled down like if I was studying to get into med school. Out of the first 6 hours of heads up videos I watched, I took about 39 pages of notes. That's right, 39 pages.... that's like a poker dictionary! So basically I dissected every little nook and cranny of how to deal with different player types, watched and rewatched the videos until I basically wanted to vomit. Yeah, when I get into something, I go extreme. I then made lengthy online flash cards like 20 - 30 questions on each video I watched. Over 100 questions. Does that make me weird? totally, but like I said, I love the game and am going to be playing until I'm old and wrinkly so I'd like to stop sucking at it now instead of later. So after my poker study hiatus just making sure I 勉強して! 勉強して! 勉強して! (study! study! study!) I finally felt like it was time to get back onto the virtual felt and I noticed that even though I studied and even felt a lot more confident in my heads up play, it wasn't automatic obviously since reading the concepts are one thing but actually trying the concepts are another, I also noticed that my tilt problem.... not necessarily cured. Hence no bankroll is safe if I just play haphazard willynilly whenever I want. I needed a plan. So here's what I've been doing.

I need to focus. I am horrible when I'm playing all types of games, all types of hours. Sometimes I'll run the bankroll up like crazy doing that. Most times I crash and burn. I love playing whenever I want and whatever I want but when I'm not focused and locked in on learning the fine points of one game, while I'm still learning so much, that's a recipe for disaster and mediocrity at best. I had to ask myself "Do I want to play every game slightly poorly or learn how to play one game really well and then after, I master that game move on to the next." Obviously I took the later since the first option has lead to the parting of me and my bankroll one time too many. With that I've done the following:

1. Said Au revoir to Omaha and draw cash games (for now anyway) although they shall be missed, I have to focus on getting better at one type of game otherwise, my growth at the game is just going to take too long. I have chosen to focus primarily on Holdem and although I've said this would be important before, I've actually stuck to it better than a fat lady sticks to her new years dieting resolution. I've actually been sticking to it this week. I have set aside 1 day where I'll play PLO and other game types, but only in a tournament format with no more than 5 tourneys a day since if I end up losing 5 small tournament buy-ins for some reason it won't phase me but if I lose 5 cash game buy-ins I'll be crying into my pillow that night. I'm a lot more invested in my cash game results since that's my main focus I guess and I think of tourneys as just for fun since I'm not really trying to become Keith Harris Poker Tournament Pro. I'm trying to be Keith Harris Cash Game Wizard. :)

2. Playing for a set time and..... stopping. Some people say "well if I can make money playing poker then why wouldn't I just play for 16 hours straight?" I notice that a lot of professionals think that way but that doesn't work for me. I notice within a couple hours I lose focus and sight of my goals. Basically if I play for over 3 or 4 hours I start to spew. If I am not constantly reviewing my sessions I spew. On the reverse side, when I actually pay attention to every little detail of my play and focus hard, I win. simple as that. So I've set aside 3 hours to play each night, 4-5 days a week and I've been sticking with the schedule. I don't always play for the whole 3 hours and sometimes it may be just an hour but having that set time does two things. 1. It helps by making sure I don't play past my spewtard point where I get sloppy and start bluffing off chips after a couple hours too long. 2. it helped by giving me a small session to focus on when doing hand reviews and after the session asking myself the question "did I play each hand this session the best way I could?" that's helping me tons cause I can't review every crappy hand I played over an 8 hour session easily where in a 1-3 hour session, it doesn't take more than a couple minutes if I played well, to an hour if I played like a donk. (mine will probably take close to an hour for a while...)

3. Tilt is not gone, never will be probably but I'm working on it keeping the level head each session and no more chasing money. It's tough but I'm working hard on this. Doing this is definitely helping because I'm really focusing more on the concept of "right quitting" (a term Tommy Angelo explains in 'the eightfold path to poker enlightenment) than playing head games with myself like saying "well this guy is really bad so I know if I stay a little longer I'll take all his chips, so even if I get tired, no big deal, I'll just keep at it" meanwhile I'm half asleep at the table drooling jk. That idea never goes well for me although I'm sure I'm not the only player to think it. I'm not Phil Ivey, I'm a noob still learning the game so I have to start from there and work my way up. Doesn't happen over night where you take a player to the cleaners little by little just by being at the table. So I'll work my way up from the bottom and that's fine by me.

So that's been my month, a weeks worth of playing and busting and 3 weeks worth of no playing but studying like an excessive mad man heads up no limit poker videos. I am hoping this will pay off but I'll just keep up the studying and give it my best.

Poker! Back to the drawing board.

2009-10-28T22:09:00.000-07:00

Okay so the poker break is finally at an end and I've gotten back into the game with a renewed interest and a new found determination to make my goals for the month of November. After going busto and wondering if maybe I don't have what it takes to make money consistently at poker, I had to do some re-evaluating and really start to ask myself "am I good enough?" Poker is a game I'm never going to stop playing. I'm gonna be an old man, with wrinkles, trying to bluff the other old men at the old folks home. So if I'm going to play I need to look at my skill set honestly and not do what every player does and say they're the best, just because.

So what have I done wrong and why did I bust?

1. Tilt - Trying to play sessions lasting hours long can be a bankroll booster or bankroll buster depending on if you're mentally prepared for the swings. I was taking some bad beats, but they weren't as bad as the bad plays I made at points which I could count the $10s of $100s of dollars I could have made in the sessions if I just, *did this* or *didn't do that*. I would make some mistakes that would make me cringe if I wasn't just playing for hours like a degenerate without proper analysis and review of my play.

2. Impatience - I wanted to go up the ranks yesterday instead of just focusing on the session today. I ended up making -EV plays because of being so impatient and it ended up costing me a lot of money. Trying to gamble rather than trying to play smart and move up slowly and steadily. The funny thing about poker is if you take your time and are careful moving up slowly and steadily you'll make more money than if you try to play the $1000NL (10/5 blind) tables trying to *take shots* at higher stakes. I'm not that good yet and I need to acknowledge that, keep working from the stakes I'm at and moving up when my bankroll is big enough, not when my ego is big enough.

3. Lack of confidence - There was a big break in my confidence. Even though my bankroll was going up, the more mistakes I made, the more I avoided looking at my mistakes. You can't do that in poker if you ever expect to make money. You have to constantly evaluate and re-evaluate your play if you want to be a winning player. If you don't you're just like all the rest of the fish.

So what have I changed in my game to combat these three leaks?

1. I'm playing 2 hour sessions and reviewing my biggest losses on Holdem Manager after each session. I want to be honest about my play to myself so if I make a mistake I check each session to see if it was a real big error in the way I played a hand or if it was justified, +ev but just got unlucky. This helps to take out the element of tilt since if you're playing 2 hours and reviewing before you move on to another session you have less chance to spew, plus the logical analysis at the end of each session makes it that you're effectively removing emotion from the equation to find the flaws/leaks in your game. Upon finding the leak I make grinder reminders, put the leak on a sticky note and work to keep aware of this leak within the next two hour session, so I can actively fix the mistake in the next game instead of putting it off until a week or month later or avoiding the leak all together.

2. I'm not playing above my bankroll anymore. I'm going to keep grinding at the low limits and even if I take beats, or lose money in the session, I'm not going to chase my losses. I was faced with this the first night back on the virtual felt and wanted to keep playing the night away since I wasn't going anywhere and went down almost half my starting bankroll the first day. I said to myself I have to be patient and believe that it will all even out, I just need to stop, analyze my play and make sure I'm doing everything right. If so, then the money will come, so now my bankroll since then has been steadily going up. I'm buckling down on every session and making sure to keep track of each hand and fix the leak first time around rather than ignoring them, and definitely you won't see me at the $10/5 deuce to seven tables anymore. Well unless I got like $10,000 in my bankroll.... :)

3. I'm not going to expect that I'll make all this money fast. I'm going to take my time, play often and focus on the game, not on the money. I put so much pressure on myself thinking I need to be king of the hill, but we all need to learn and start from somewhere. I'm going to take it one session at a time. Build up the bankroll, focus more on the slow grind, my pokerstars fpps going up and how the bonuses will help me if I can just focus on grinding it out and trying for longevity at the tables instead of the go big or go home mentality.

Poker is not about emotional highs or gambling (although yes it technically IS gambling) but poker is a game of skill. Like chess but with an element of luck. If you are in control of your emotions and you play above average for your stakes then not even luck can hold you back, since *luck* in poker tends to even out over the long hall, just like when you flip a coin 100 times, it should land around 50 times on heads and 50 times on tales, and if not, it will be pretty darn close. Over 10,000, 100,000, 1,000,000 hands of poker, same deal. Everything evens out the more you play. You just have to be playing better than your peers at the table to make the profit since the hands will take care of themselves evening out. I'm not better than the guys at the $1000NL tables, but the $25NL, $50NL and $100NL. I feel I could be. When I'm focused I'm good, I make mistakes and have a lot of work to do but I know I can play. So if I'm keeping my head clear, in the game, and engaged each session, there will be no problem in making money since if I'm focused on making the right decisions, the money will follow.

Side Note:
So far I've been playing daily this week since Sunday and have been doing well. I have started using Holdem Manager instead of Pokertracker since HM tracks PLO hands. I don't seem to play as much Holdem as I do Omaha, so my graph at the end was getting screwy in Pokertracker. since PT has no Omaha tracking capability. This graph will be a lot more accurate in correlating my bankroll and money made over each session and it will be a lot easier to follow along. The last graph says I made so much money when it wasn't tracking my loses in other games. In the end I liked my graph better than my actually bankroll. This will be accurate to the T though from now on. Also I won't be playing anymore games that aren't tracked on HM... at least for a while. I'll be sticking to Omaha and Holdem exclusively so the numbers stay concrete.

I will put my graphs up this weekend to show my daily progress in this weeks session since I started Sunday. Hopefully it keeps going up but if not, as long as I'm playing my A game then let the cards fall where they may. I'm ready for it.

Gamers Paradise! - My Computer Setup

2009-10-20T01:43:00.000-07:00

So after taking a beating online I've decided to take a few days away from playing and taking the last few days to clean up around here and get some errands and things at work done but for the moment I wanted to get a picture of my computer set up on here. I'm such a nerd when you get a look at it but I've been wanting to pimp my computer for a long time and today I finally got the third monitor hooked up. It's kinda cool. Some might call it overkill but hey I love it. check it out.

So this is a computer set up with a Dell over 2ghz, 4gbs ram, over 300 gbs of storage. Not bad but I know there's people out there with 8gbs ram mega systems, dual cores and more, but this baby does the job. Two 24" monitors on each side of a 26" monitor in the center. So I can do all my work across three screens all with 1080p HD with HDMI connectors. A Macally Icekey keyboard with two usb outlets at the sides of it. speaker set up. gaming control pad for poker and any gaming, trackball mouse and a headset. This is like a gamers heaven here, but on the cheap. lol. Ebay baby!

Grape Head: What is the deal on one night stands? How are they perceived?

2009-10-17T12:45:00.000-07:00

Grape Head: What is the deal on one night stands? How are they perceived?

I really find signals conflicting. I suppose everybody thinks differently? What is the prevalent opinion in the young 20s age group?

Most people I know seem to think they're okay. I think they're okay but I'm not sure if they're for me or not.

Turns out a fair few of my friends have done it and don't always admit to it, but they seem to be fine with no problems and most guys don't seem to care they did it.

Do guys really look at you badly if you've done that? Do they think it's okay for themselves?

I know people who got married after sleeping together on the first date or even sleeping together before they dated.

I'm really undecided about what I think on it. I think I'd like to try it sometimes because relationships are hard and your heart gets broken. But on the other hand I don't want to feel guilty or have a guy think badly of me.

Additional Details

I've only been with one guy so far and we were with a LTR. I'm sure it's better in that situation but I don't think I can wait the months or years it might be until my next LTR and all the while have the ex as the only guy in my head.

In an LTR, not with lol

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

Keith:

Guys don't care if you have a one night stand cause all they're thinking about is "I want some @ss. Hun, if you want to do it then do it. be free. it's your life, don't let people make you feel like you have to fit some kind of perfect model person when most people are just doing what they want anyway, if you're the person only doing what others think you 'SHOULD' do, then you're missing out on life's joys. Now I personally HATE one night stands. I wish I was like other guys sometimes but hell it makes me feel weird afterwards cause it's there and gone and it bugs me but, if it happens which it has once or twice, will I beat myself up for it? not a chance. Just have fun and enjoy your life and do me a favor "STOP WORRYING ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK! :) and you'll be fine. hey you'll only know if you try. I did and found out what I needed to know. you do the same. and for onyx and original talking about ho's and sluts. you two are idiots :) let the women do what she wants and stop judging her. No one should tell you how to live your life, especially numb nut strangers in a forum like all of us

Whole Conversation Here

Mantra - How do I feel right now?

2009-10-16T12:01:00.000-07:00

1. How do I feel right now? - I'm going to live in the moment. I'm going to truly experience everything I do, I will check in with my body and ask myself "how do I feel?" My shoulders, my head, my neck, my face, my feet, my hands, my legs, my stomach, truly experiencing what I am feeling and actively listening to my body and acknowledging it. I will not live at 80 rpm every second when sitting down and reading at my desk, or lying down in bed only require 30 rpm, when all that's needed is to just breath and be. I will not live tensed and uncomfortably contorted from moment to moment, expending extra energy for things that need little, but I will ask myself each moment "How do I feel right now?"

2. There is a moment by moment interaction with each person. How do they feel right now? - Each person I encounter, I will ask myself what they are feeling, truly try to understand what they are thinking as each word comes out and work to understand their motives and reasons for saying the things they say. I will try to understand their background and the different upbringing and life they've lived to lead them to doing things the way they do. Working to understand why they're approaching life and approaching me the way they are. I will think about if I'm this person how do I sound and look as I talk to them. What are they seeing or thinking. Not to become emotional but to acknowledge it and let it be and I will begin from where I am. I will think about each word, each sentence before I speak it. I will think about what I am trying to say and get accomplished by speaking rather than speaking just to hear myself speak. Slow down, rather than rattle at the mouth and be blusterous.

3. Meditation is a daily practice, a moment by moment practice - I work to focus on each task no matter how insignificant. Meditation isn't just done on a Sahmadhi Cushion, but is done while focusing on one task at a time no matter how insignificant the task may seem. Even if it's as simple as washing a cup in the sink. It's experiencing the task. What are my hands doing? what am I hearing around me? How does my body feel right now? What thoughts are going on in my mind? I will work to stay present and in the moment. Everything is fluid in life so you have to work each moment and adjust as each situation in life asks you to adjust. With no resistance just let it be.

4. Emotions and thoughts can be noise or a tool with a purpose - I will not let emotion and desires ever changing from one second to the next lead me from each moment to the next. I will not let wandering thoughts lead me, leaving the constant chatter of my mind pinging back and forth each second. Whether it's as simple as the noise of your mind pulling your attention from the present. Whether its as simple as a thought that plagues you riling up your emotions and the moment it's recognized just needs to be let go. Whether it's as simple a desire as hunger and we rush to eat without thinking instead of experiencing what our body is feeling Whether we go from one desire to the next, eating the minute we get hungry, getting angry or frustrated the moment we feel emotions stir and automatically reacting. Sleeping only as a reaction to getting tired. I will not be reactionary but will ask myself how I am feeling, acknowledge it and do what is best for my body, and well being in that moment.

Failure is a Growth Opportunity.

2009-10-16T03:48:00.000-07:00

Failure is a Growth Opportunity. That's a Tommyism from Tommy Angelo a professional poker player who lives out here in the bay area wrote the book The Elements of Poker. I like this saying cause it says a lot and can encompass a lifetime of lessons all in 5 words.

So I've had a set back with my poker ambitions. I let alot of what my previous blog says about life, get into the way of everything, including poker. I have been so focused on trying to build my bankroll that I haven't been as focused on growing at the game. Anytime you take your eyes off improving and try chasing money, you're only bound to go one way... down. So because of that. Some long hours of play taking shots, and dealing with a poker players most dreaded nemesis... tilt. I've managed to get powned and basically lost most of my $600 bankroll I've built up. A good lesson to relearn but I'm not mad about it because if it didn't happen now then it might have happened when I got to $1000 or $2000, which I will get to, but I needed a reality check, to remind me that I have to focus my energy in the right places and not just trying to ram and jam. So after I grounded my roll to near a nub of it's former glory I made a redeposit to make sure I have enough to feel comfortable incase I manage to get stacked or have a downswing and with what I managed to keep as well as my redeposit I'm at $263.

So what am I going to change to put myself on the right track? I'm going to make sure I don't neglect to study the game before each session and keep my mind focused as I watch training videos from Deuces Cracked and keep my mind thinking of the concepts I learn throughout the session. If I'm going to play long sessions, which I'm finding out I love to do. I need to be more consistent about taking breaks. When your mind is too focused for so much time on end. it can become locked, and that's no good for your game, you have to remain flexible in the game since situations are always changing and you have to adjust. I will make sure to set my timer to get up for 5 minutes of every hour while playing, sit out at the tables, and meditate so to make sure I'm not so locked on one thing that I'm missing everything else going on at the tables. you get tired playing for too long so you have to take those breaks to basically hit the reset button and start fresh each hour. finally, I know I have some interesting moves in my arsenal and can make good reads and play pretty well when I'm on but when I'm off and going through a downswing, I start to lose focus and my play deteriorates. I think I'm playing good but if I could step back and look at myself, I'd realize that what was once my A-game, when I'm tired or tilted eroded into C-game. I have to lop off the C-game but being that it's a big enough challenge to lop it all off at once, the least I need to do each session is to make sure my C-game is played less, and to work on my challenges with emotion and tilt at the table when I've just taken a beat or when I've gone on a downswing which every poker player will do and I will go through again and again. It's just part of life and poker and the volatility there of. So the biggest leak to my game is not my play which honestly I know can use some work, but it's getting control of my emotions when the play gets tough and making logical decisions even when flustered. I think in a way, poker can resemble life. If you are not good under pressure, you will crack when it comes time to show your metal. Diamonds are made deep in the earth under pressure. So it won't be easy but anything you truly want is never just handed to you. I want to be a great player. I need to keep grinding and working towards my goal. If I detour, I will get burned. If I stay focused, I will make it up the ranks. I have no doubt whatsoever.

Note: my graph is getting real whacky since I've been playing a deuce to seven, PLO Hi/Lo, Mixed game tournaments and other games not tracked by PT3 so I've decided to leave it out until I figure out how to get these amounts to add up and make sense. Might have to use checkyourbets but I don't think I'm that motivated to put in each session manually. I'd rather focus my energy on studying and learning and not messing with my graph, but I'll figure it out.

I walked by a pond today and flicked a Quarter into the pond

2009-10-16T03:14:00.000-07:00

I walked by a pond today and flicked a Quarter into the pond and made a wish. I didn't have any pennies so I made due. I want to aspire to something greater. So in a quarter I laid my wish upon it and hoped that God, the universe, the truth, whatever is out there would hear it. As I skated around the city and eventually took the bus home I realized that I was tensing up without thinking about it. If you're reading this, you're probably tense right now and don't even realize it. I stood still for a while and could see my jaw was clenching, my head, muscles in my neck and face were tense, Even my shoulders were an inch higher than they are when I'm relaxed. I started to think about my life and the way I approach it. I talk way too much even when I have nothing to say. I feel like I'm way too excitable or more animated than the normal person. Kind of like a comedian but less funny and always on stage. I find that it feels kind of like my brain is always on and the rpms are at 100 even when the activity I'm doing only requires 20. I'm always wired although I've never done drugs. I'm always on, always 'over the top' and never seem to slow down enough to really take in what's around me. It's a little annoying and looking at myself in the eyes of others, I'd worry that there's something wrong. I don't sleep until I get tired, I don't focus unless I have to and like a child who's ever avoiding homework, I procrastinate and wait until the last minutes to do the things that need to be done. I will get them done but not without some resistance at first. I get frustrated easily and when things become challenging like in confrontations among people or dealing with loss, I tend to panic and have a hard time letting go. I tend to hold on to things, whether they're grudges or hurt feelings. I always say I dislike drama and compared to many who seek it out I know I've had many situations where I have pushed people out of my life because that was what they brought with them into my life. Yet when I find a person has drama in their life, I'm always trying to make it my problem and welcome their drama into my life. My mind has been forever racing and I'm always trying to latch onto something. A mission even for a moment. A calling for a day and then on to the next thing.....and the next.....and the next....

So as I ponder all of these thoughts later that day in the shower, I realize, I'm tired. Not just physically but mentally. Tired of always feeling stressed. Tired of my body and mind showing it. I realize listening to what my body is saying, "Keith, you need to slow down.... I'm tired". We push ourselves for every selfish reason in the world indifferent to the toll we put on ourselves and our body and make excuses everyday for 365 days each year that this is what we need to do and it's so sad but we don't have a choice, yet when we're not working, not running errands but even in our alone time or small amounts of free time, we're still "always on". The excuse doesn't change whether it's a weekend off or the grind of the work week. The excuse becomes the kids if you have any or the spouse if you have any or parents or siblings or friends or school or even a hectic social calendar.

I really don't want to go on a rant. This blog post is not about that. This way of living is fine to many people that don't really want to have this conversation with themselves or anyone else, but that is their choice and we get this life to make our own choices. I just realize I need to step back. i don't want to be always on at 80 rpms every second of the day, tensed and wired even when I'm lying in my bed. I want to slow down and experience what I'm doing and what is around me. Experience life, not just race through it. If I'm always wired the people around me see that and wonder what is going on with him, but most importantly if I'm always wired, I don't really get to be myself because the Keith that is relaxed and calm is different from the Keith that is tensed and frustrated letting one emotions lead his actions rather than taking a second to think, how do I feel right now and just checking in with myself.

So as I write this as I slowly fall off to dream land I feel it's time for me to start changing the patterns in my life that lead me to be "always on" I don't want to be tense and wired 24/7 so, I will just stop. Not that changing any habit in life is that easy, but usually the things in life that are worth doing, never are easy. So I'm going to start meditating regularly again just to remind myself even once a day even if just for 5 minutes, to "slow down". You're only rushing through life and rushing to your funeral. I'm not in a hurry and I'd rather be late to mine. :) I'm going to work at changing my reactionary nature and try to stop and think before I do things or say things. Having a conversation is easier when you're paying attention to every word you want to say and paying attention to every word they want to say, rather than just blurting out the first things that come to mind instantly. I'm going to think about the people I'm talking to and approach them in a way like I approach poker, and really think about every aspect of the person, how they're probably feeling, why they're saying the things they're saying to me, how do they live their lives differently that would help me to understand them. It's not just about what you would do but what they do and how they live differently than you do. Finally I'm going to focus on each task thats important to me by looking at the whole picture as I move towards the goal rather than running aimlessly and not paying full attention to where I'm heading. This is important to me and just a note to self.

Rough Hold'em Day but PLO and 2-7 Triple Draw good to me today.

2009-10-13T04:08:00.000-07:00

Todays session was pretty rocky. I started playing at the 25NL 8 tabling and got slaughtered, lost $100 just like that. I felt like I played alright but definitely need some work on my game. I thought I had my tilt management under control but I managed to spew when things became extremely tough. It's never easy when you are making good decisions and keep getting hammered, but its worse when you make bad plays that could have been avoided and on top of that get hammered on your good plays. When it's both it really gets to you. So after spewing way too much in holdem I took a break and went to Omaha which beat me down at first but became profitable by the end of the night and 2-7 Triple draw which really helped me get back some of my losses. So not a bad session. Just gonna have to keep at it and study the game more and hopefully I'll be able to keep on the upward trend.

Note: my graph is a little off cause of the other non-holdem games I played today hence the difference between the Pokerstars bankroll amount and the current graph amount..... I'm the only one reading this so why am I putting a note to self here?

Laila: Which hand bag is best to carry when your about to be attacked?

2009-10-10T23:55:00.000-07:00

Laila: Which hand bag is best to carry when your about to be attacked?

If you are going to be mugged or attacked by a stranger is it better running with a shoulder bag or messenger bag?

Which would be easier and would let you run faster?

Additional Details

EDIT: i have to walk back from college everyday and obviously i cant drop the bag cuz it has all me paper and course work in! and also is it better to run in flats or trainers?

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

Keith:

I believe if you're going to be attacked a messenger bag with an anvil in it has worked for me! no seriously if you're going to be attacked (first off I'm even wondering why you're worried about that. Where are you. Brooklyn heights or tiajuana?) I think the smart thing for you to do since if you're attacked, no bag will make a difference to a determined depraved sexual deviant is for you to 1. Carry mace 2. if you have expendable income take some self defense classes or martial arts classes. If I ever have a daughter that will be mandatory for her 3. Carry a cell phone at all times and 4. always keep your eyes open and be aware of your surroundings and be aware of everything where ever you go. The person talking on their cell, or watching the clouds or looking clueless is usually an easier target than the person who's looking around and being ever vigilant.

I almost forgot, they also now have tasers that are made for women and when a guy sees it he'll think it's a girly item cause they're colorful and cutesy tasers. Just wait til you ram one of those up some pervs @ss. He'll be wishing he never messed with you :)

Asker's Rating:
Asker's Comment:: Hey thats a great idea, and i've bought a messenger bag now but i dont think i will be able to carry the anvil its too heavy! and for the mace- where do i get that from ? :) Whole Conversation Here.

Slow day, Fast action, 12 Tables

2009-10-10T21:51:00.000-07:00

Well despite having a rough go of it yesterday since the poker gods saw fit to hijack my internet and log me off every 10 minutes, (literally.... every 10 minutes....... happened like 47 times, but who's counting) Today was actual pretty eventful. Not that I made much money in the 2 to 3 hours I played, but the fact that I reved it up to 8 tables then 12 tables at once. I felt like 12 definitely had me pushing a little too hard to keep up but 8 was the sweet spot for now, until I get faster. Anyway total earnings today..... around $6. I should have made about $20 more but I made some questionable calls and small unnecessary raises I had to rethink afterwards. Anyway a slow day, lots of tables, fast action and of course loads of fun.

I also got to sweat one of my poker buddy's Ben who's part of my secret HQ group along with Heather. We talked a lot of strategy for the hour and it was pretty cool. anyway hopefully I'll have a better growth session tomorrow but definitely nothing wrong with the breaking even after 8 to 12 tabling for a couple hours. anyway gonna stop playing for today. My samurai drama starts in 10 minutes B-)

Cheese: Im havin sex with my bf for the 1st time,what size condom should i buy?

2009-10-09T23:51:00.000-07:00

Cheese: Im havin sex with my bf for the 1st time,what size condom should i buy?

he is 9 inches long.and what should i get?the sensitive ones?i dont wanna be a spaz and tell him to go buy,but i wanna have some in my purse just in case he doesnt

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

Keith:

If he has nine inches tell him to buy the teeny weenie brand condoms. They always do the trick jk

I use magnums from Trojan. If he's 9 inches you might need XL magnums.

Honestly I think he's full of crap about being 9 inches but every man says they're bigger than they are. So when you see his *imaginary* 9 inches that are totally in his head, try not to laugh at it when you're able to put your pinky finger next to it and can't tell the difference. Hell if he has 9 inches, I'm 20 inches and can wrap my dik around a phone booth.

PS. Don't just buy condoms, use birth control pills or one of the other 11 women's birth control products out there. On package effectiveness of condoms = 95% (1 out of 20 times = BAM. BABY!) :) GL hun

Asker's Rating:
Asker's Comment:: sadly,its 9 inches.i measured it! See the whole conversation here

My Poker Challenge

2009-10-08T23:35:00.000-07:00

So I was listening to the Two Plus Two Pokercast. Neil Channing was talking about how he'd sponsored players for his poker site by having individuals qualify by playing online poker 5 days a week, 6 hours a day starting at the 25NL buy-in and moving on up the stakes to the higher limits as their bankroll increased. I thought it was an interesting concept.

Although I'm not getting any deals, lol I thought the idea of proving yourself as a poker player is a challenge worth trying. I deposited $200 on PokerStars 10/3/2009 and started multi-tabling at the $25NL. I'm going to start playing daily 3 hour cash game sessions with 1 hour study with Deuces Cracked at least 5 days a week for the next 3 months.. So that's about a 15 hour weekly minimum of actual felt time. I'm starting off with 2 to 4 tables at a time but will work up to 8 to 12 tables when I'm a little more comfortable and my bankroll gets a little healthier. If I take some hits and have a bad week I'll document it as well as if I make some great runs. But I'd like to get short 2 or 3 minute videos as well as screenshots of my progress on here at the end of each week to keep track of my progress for this next 3 months. It will help to keep myself honest about my skill at the game and not fudge my results to myself or my family. It will be interesting to see how this next 3 months goes.

Start: 10/3/2009 - $200.00

Current: 10/8/2009 - $297.45 / Max Tables: 2 / Hands: 497 / Hours played since start: 3

Farrah: How do I deal with the fact that my parents are getting a divorce?

2009-10-06T21:33:00.000-07:00

Farrah: How do I deal with the fact that my parents are getting a divorce?

There's a huge possibility that they're getting a divorce.
I'm very disappointed. I'm 14 years old. All I've been hearing is my parents yelling at each other, slamming doors, and I've seen both of them throw stuff across the room. I've been hearing "Get out of this house" a lot too. One of them says, that my brother and I are his/her children. The other says that no we're theirs. They know how I feel because this has happened a year ago. I've been crying all night, I can't focus on my studies. I've heard them talking about a divorce and they've stopped talking to each other now.

What should I do?

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

Keith:

This kinda got me choked up reading it. usually I like the lighter subjects cause I can make jokes all day.... Hun. Talk to your parents. It's like grown adults being in a relationship. If they don't communicate then the relationship breaks down and becomes impossible maintain. You have a 'relationship' with your parents. Right now they're only thinking about themselves and how they feel about the other. If you don't take each aside (separately) and remind them that you're in the picture and that you're 'hurting' then they will be too focused on themselves to realize it. Divorce usually leaves two people very bitter and self absorbed so its your job to let your parents know your needs too. "dad I need you guys to stop fighting in front of me. I hate it. I know you guys are going through a lot but I can't stand seeing my parents fight like this. It hurts me. it's affecting my grades". Same thing to your mom. Also, they will possibly try to pit you against the other parent and bad mouth them to you which you should 'never' listen to. and should ask the other to stop if they're doing it. or at least listen but take everything with a grain of salt. Two bitter people will always see the other as "the bad guy" that's what happens with divorce. You see all the facts and make up your own decision. Now if they do divorce, it will be hard for you but remember hun that 50% of marriages now days end in divorce. Most peoples parents either divorce or seperate without legal divorce so don't feel that you're alone. there are tons of other kids in school who have gone through and are going through the same thing. Lean on them for comfort. Lastly take these words seriously "DONT hate either of your parents." they are two kids who fell in love, got older, things changed between them and it didn't work out. Maybe there was lies, maybe cheating, maybe needless anger, money issues. Point is there's a million reasons why people break up and it happens often. When you have a boyfriend, you'll have a break up too. It's in some ways healthier for two people who fall out of love or change so much they're different people for them to live apart and give you their best rather than live together and fight everyday. I hope this helps. Good luck hun. My father died when I was 8. be happy you still have both your parents even if they do separate.

Asker's Rating:

Asker's Comment:
Okay thanks, I've talked to them, they're still not talking to each other...when I tell the both of them Good Night, none of them reply...but lets see what'll happen next.

I'm sorry about your father's death too. Thanks.

See the whole conversation here

Father

2009-10-05T19:59:00.000-07:00

    You know, life is funny. I was talking to my friend Miguel about my father. I don't know how we got onto talking about him but he said to me that my father is still with me and always will be.
    When you're a kid you have all these amazing dreams of where you think you'll be. When I was a kid I used to think that the world would go on the same way it has forever. I knew one day I'd be grown but that seemed so far away to me that I never saw passed the moment in front of me.
    I never felt confident growing up. I grew up with a single mom and because of that, although I love my mom to death, I think that a kid without a dad sometimes has a hard time finding his place within the world. A hard time fitting in.
    A boy looks to a father for strength and for confidence. They look to them to help them believe in themselves.
    My mom taught me as much as she could when it came to being able to accept people as they are, and being open minded. Pushing passed mental boundaries keeping me from truly opening up to the ones I love and knowing you can do anything you want to do. The only problem is the difference between knowing and believing are two distant paths that you only hope merge together but it never seems to come together for me. Especially in a way meaningful to my life.
    I never felt strong when I was a kid and even still at times I lack the strength to do what needs to be done in my life. To stand up for what I believe in or sometimes to believe in anything at all. Especially myself. always feeling like I'd never be worth anything. My self esteem was so low I didn't think I'd ever amount to much in my life back then.
    I had a good family life. In some ways I had no real worries. As when any kid grows up just thinking about what's the next game to play or who's friends house you want to play at, but I felt like I was pretty sheltered and cause of that it was hard for me to put myself out there even today. To be the man I needed to learn how to be back then. Not being the man I should be today.
    I think if I could do some things over again I would have focused more on becoming stronger back then. Men are always looking for women to protect and take care of, but when you're a man not sure of your strength how do you protect anyone who needs you...
    You can fight with all your heart when the time comes, but will that strength be enough if you spend every other moment afraid or just unsure.. I wish there was some certain way I could know the answer.

SUGABAB: What is the first thing you notice in a girl? tips for when i go out?,

2009-10-05T01:58:00.000-07:00

SUGABAB: What is the first thing you notice in a girl? tips for when i go out?,

(Most of the guys here say "her eyes"....)

Additional Information: i feel special now lol i have light green eyes

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters

Keith:

Usually her love handles and belly rolls. All these guys are full of crap. Sounds like when a girl says "what do I like most? His sense of humor". When his sense of humor isn't the thing taking her into the backroom at gregs party when she's drank too much tequilla and he's making her a woman. when you're looking at a guy, you're not attracted to his eyes as much as you're attracted to his strong masculine look or chiseled body or bad @ss look. People usually 9 times out of 10 avoid eye contact for too long so those answers are all bs. With a guy we're looking at alot more than just 'eyes' and any guys who say eyes is just being PC cause they don't wanna look like a perv. What do 'I' look at in a girl.... usually her eyes.

I can hear the conversation in the locker room now. "yo Timmy. that girl is hotttt! Yo man, she has to biggest....... eyes?!?"

When you hear two guys say that then I will never look at a girls DDD breasts first ever again. :)

good luck hun

See the whole conversation here.

Bear: In love with a teacher!!?

2009-09-28T03:00:00.000-07:00

Bear: In love with a teacher!!?

My little sister swears she is in love with her teacher!!
she is 16, 17 next year and in year 10.
What should she do?

do you think anything will happen between them?!?

5 days ago

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker

Keith:

Every teenybopper is in love with someone one time in their life which is totally forbidden fruit. 98% of the time nothing ever comes of it so don't worry about ratting on her lil crush by telling mom and dad. don't make her feel bad about it. you probably have things you thought would be dreamy but mom and dad would flip. just let her have her crush and leave the poor girl alone lol. She's not going to bang her teacher. If you're worried that out of the 200 students that teacher sees and about half the lil girls in there probably give him googly eyes too, you think he'd be employed that long if he was messing with gossiping lil ones? he'd be out quicker than clay aiken at a gay pride parade. So save her the embarrassment and worry about if she marries a dead beat alchy at 25. but this is just a crush. it comes and goes. we all get them

Asker's Rating ****

ha ha thanks this one and to all answers!! =]

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Ready For A New Start

2009-09-28T02:02:00.000-07:00

There's been a lot of changes in this last month. My ex girlfriend that cheated is finally out my house and my life. One of the guys I started work with 2 1/2 years ago got fired from his position, I've worked harder this month than I have in a long time and I keep trying to keep up with the changes that are happening in my life. I've been thinking about it most of this month and I feel like it's time to make a change. I feel like I've just been plowing along, scared of everything and always having doubts. Feeling a little lost or like I'm not sure where I'm going. I think doing the same things over and over will sometimes make you lose your place in life. So I've decided to rededicate myself to the things that are important in my life. Get back to basics. I'm single, I have a great apartment in a great neighborhood, I love my job, I have a good life. If I don't get out of the rut of thinking I don't have much, then I'll lose what I have. This is my chance to make a new start while my head is clear and the time is right. I like my place in life so I need to do everything to hold on to it. It will only get better from there. I'm going to start reconnecting with some old friends and get out of my shell. Actually take the time to go out this month and be more focused on what I have than what I don't. Stop hating myself for my weaknesses and thank God for my strengths and learn to be a better me. The best me I can be. I haven't been happy in a long time. Really happy. Time just keeps going by. I don't want to sit there being depressed all the time. Not any more. So I'm going to make this point on something different and new. The best year of my life starts today. It will only get better from here.